All Yours
by GeekChic12
Summary: A summer fling. A surprise pregnancy. A high school sweetheart back home. Life is complicated. Years later, can two co-parents keep old feelings out of the equation when circumstances force them under the same roof? Will they want to? A birthday fic for Twilly. AH. Daddyward
1. Original Flash

**Another WIP? I know. BUTTTTT this is for my gorgeous, talented, hilarious twifey's birthday! She requested an expansion on this flash of mine, which has been challenging because when I write a flash, I never expect to have to explain everything, lol. But I truly hope she (and whoever else decides to read) enjoys it!**

**Huge thanks to my pre-reading/beta team: Sophiacorgi, KniNut, Hadley Hemingway, and lellabeth. These ladies are just wonderful. **

**All things Twilight belong to SM. Everything else is mine, including any mistakes.**

**HAPPY BIRTHDAY, TWILLY! I BIG PUFFY HEART YOU!**

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**Chapter 1 - All Yours (original flash - Chapter 22 of Tidbits)**

"Please don't do this," he said as I threw my clothes into our biggest suitcase. "Don't do this to me. To _us_."

"There is no _us_, Edward," I hissed back at him. "You made sure of that." I started grabbing shoes from the closet and tossing them into a bag. "There's only you and what works for _you_. What I want obviously doesn't fucking matter."

"It's only for a year. I can't just turn my back on them." He gripped his hair in both hands. "Once she finishes school and gets on her feet, they'll move out and everything will go back to normal."

"_Ha._ Normal. Can't you see what she's doing? Using your own daughter to wheedle herself into our life?" I asked, desperate for him to see. "You've never been able to fucking say no to her."

"She is the mother of my _child_!" he roared at me. And I knew then that I'd completely lost him. If I'd ever truly had him in the first place.

Shaking my head, I started zipping up the bags I'd packed. I couldn't be stuck in this sinkhole of a relationship any longer.

I'd tried.

_God_, how I'd tried.

But I was never enough.

Maybe if I'd popped out a kid, he'd look at me the way he looked at _her_. But it was too late for all of that now.

Just as I was gathering everything to leave, there was a knock on the door.

"They're early," Edward muttered.

"Well, don't let me interrupt this lovely family reunion. I'll just be going."

I swung the door open and looked into two sets of big brown eyes and rolled my own eyes.

"Hi, Kate," she said quietly. Always so meek.

_Right._

"Bella." I sneered. "He's all yours. Have a nice life."

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**Thank you for reading! xoxo**


	2. Fire

**Thank you all SO very much for following along on this one and for your lovely reviews! As some of you know, I have a hard time replying to all reviews, but I read and appreciate them all so, so much. And I will get replies out as often as I can!**

**Big thanks to Sophiacorgi, KniNut, Hadley Hemingway, and lellabeth!**

**SM owns all things Twilight. Everything else is mine, including any mistakes.**

**Let's hear from Edward. :)**

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**Chapter 2 - Fire**

**EPOV**

Kate had walked away from me before. A few times, actually. But never with a suitcase in her hand—not since we'd moved in together.

Not since I'd proposed to her.

I stood there, a little dumbfounded, watching her immaculately-styled blonde hair ripple down her back as she stormed past Bella and Lily, the two of them just barely getting out of the way of the large suitcase she was wheeling behind her. Her stilettos didn't slow her down one bit.

"I'm… sorry. Come in."

Bella was dressed casually as usual—a purple Huskies t-shirt, jeans, and her black Chucks. She glanced down the hall at Kate's retreating form and then back to me. "I thought you said she was okay with it," she whispered.

Running a hand through my hair, I shook my head. "I thought she would be. I got stuck at work yesterday, and she went out for drinks with friends. I didn't get to talk to her until this morning."

"I'm so sorry, Edward. If I had anywhere else to go, you know I wouldn't—"

"I know. It's okay." She gave me a dubious look. "It'll _be_ okay. Kate just needs some time to cool off."

I hoped I wasn't lying.

"Hi, Daddy," my sweet baby girl said as she walked toward me and threw her arms around my waist.

"Hi, princess. You doing okay?"

Lily nodded without looking up, still clinging tightly to me. She had to be pretty shaken up, having seen her home charred to bits.

Their apartment building was almost a total loss because of how quickly the fire had spread through the old structure. Bella had been subletting the apartment while attending UDub, and there was no way she could afford anything else for the two of them in a decent area, even with my help. I was just starting my career in advertising, so I wasn't making the big bucks yet. She was on the waiting list for UDub's family housing, but they'd been full forever.

When Bella had called me in tears yesterday and explained the situation, it was a no-brainer for me to have them come stay with us until she finished school. She'd already sacrificed a lot for our daughter, and this was something I could do to make things easier for her. Maybe it was stupid or naive of me, but I assumed Kate would understand my need to help them and keep them safe. My relationship with Bella was strictly platonic, and it had been that way for several years, after all.

They'd stayed at Bella's friend, Angela's place last night so I'd have time to talk with Kate about what was going on, but, well…

"You should go after her," Bella said softly as I stroked Lily's long dark hair.

I nodded absently. "I know, but I want to get you two settled in first. Were you able to salvage much of anything?"

She pointed to the borrowed suitcase behind her. "Some clothes, mostly older stuff of mine, but it should still fit okay. I wasn't able to save much from Lil's room," she finished sadly.

Lily sniffled against me. "Olivia's gone!" she wailed suddenly.

She loved the Olivia the Pig books, and I'd gotten her a stuffed Olivia for her fourth birthday last year. "I'm so sorry, sweetheart." I knelt down and enveloped her in a hug while she cried on my shoulder. When I released her, she looked at me with her sad bright hazel eyes, and I wiped her tears away with my thumbs. "We'll get you a new Olivia. I promise."

Bella smiled softly at me when I looked up at her, and then she sighed. "Luckily I had most of my paper photos and important documents in a fire-proof box, so that stuff was safe. And thank God we weren't home at the time."

I let out a shaky breath. "Yeah. Thank God." I squeezed Lily to me again and tamped down the urge to squeeze Bella to me as well. I tried not to get too close to her physically because I didn't want to make anyone uncomfortable.

_But fuck it._

Standing, I kept one hand on Lily's back and opened my other arm for Bella. She seemed to sag in relief and maybe even gratitude, stepping into my hold easily. I hadn't been this close to her in years, and having her small body against mine again was a wholly comforting experience. I hoped it was for her too.

I knew I'd need to do everything I could to smooth things over with Kate sooner rather than later, but at the moment, the relief and gratitude _I _felt at having Bella and Lily with me, safe and sound, was threatening to overwhelm me.

"You sure you'll be okay sharing with Lily? We could figure something else out if it's an issue."

Bella sniffled and discreetly wiped under her eyes before pulling back and looking up at me. I hadn't seen her face that close up in such a long time, and she was just so beautiful—dark, fathomless eyes, a smattering of freckles over the bridge of her nose, full pouty lips. My own lips may have parted as I took in her features, but I released her before it became completely awkward.

"We'll be fine," she said. "It'll be like a sleepover every night. Right, Lil?"

Lily looked up at her with a small smile. "Right, Mama."

"Okay, well, let me know if you change your mind. We can maybe get a pull-out sofa or convert my office to a bedroom. Or I could even sleep out here, and you could take my bed." I didn't stop to think about what I was saying. I just knew I wanted her to be comfortable. I also knew Lily was a sleep-kicker.

Bella looked at me like I'd sprouted an arm out of my forehead. "I don't think Kate would appreciate being kicked out of her own bedroom, Edward. Least of all by me." She patted my forearm, and I had to admit it made the little hairs there stand up. "We'll be just fine. You're doing us a gin_or_mous favor by letting us move in."

Grasping the handle of her suitcase, I chuckled but didn't reply to her comment about Kate. I'd seen Kate angry before. _Really_ angry, but never quite like that. I honestly wasn't sure she'd be back this time.

I guessed I could take comfort in the fact that she hadn't thrown her engagement ring at my head on the way out.

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**Thank you so much for reading and reviewing! xoxo**

**A few questions answered: 1) I'm not planning any heavy angst in this. Drama, at the most. 2) The chapters will vary in length. 3) I'd love to put a posting schedule on this and stick to it, but life with two toddlers is busy, sometimes unpredictable, and often mind-melting, so... I will update as often as I can - most likely once a week. **

**Fic rec: Angelus Ardens by Cullenboyz - **Born as a Roman slave, Eduardus serves a depraved mistress and learns that he is nothing. Stolen into a world of violence, Eduardus slakes his thirst without remorse, and learns that he is a monster. Fleeing to a world of asceticism, Edward finds relief in oblivion and learns that life is pain. But in rescuing his Singer, Edward learns that he must live. - **This is her first story, and it's wonderful. Please show her some love!**


	3. Bikini

**Thank you all SO much for reading and for leaving me your thoughts! Very mixed reactions to Kate. Some feel for her or understand her anger, and some are just like, yeah, whatever, gtfo. LOL, I love you guys.**

**Massive thanks and bewb gropes to Lellabeth, KniNut, Hadley Hemingway, and Sophiacorgi!**

**All things Twilight belong to SM. Everything else is mine, including any mistakes.**

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**Chapter 3 - Bikini**

**BPOV**

It had been a long time since I'd been wrapped up in Edward like that, and it sent comforting warmth flooding through every part of my body. He felt and smelled just like I remembered—solid and warm, clean cotton and a hint of the same cologne he wore back in the day. I breathed him in with as much subtlety as I could manage.

He must have known how badly I needed that hug right then.

We'd had an unspoken agreement over the years to keep our distance, physically, partly because Kate had never been my number one fan and partly not to confuse Lily. If I was being honest, it was self-preservation on my part as well. It took me a long time to get over him back when our summer together ended, and it would be a slippery slope if I let myself get too close again.

Once he deposited my suitcase on Lily's bed, I thanked him and kept my eyes to myself, even though part of me wanted to watch him walk out the door.

I was shocked when Edward offered to let us live with him and Kate for the next year. I thought for sure that we would be forced to move back in with Dad and Sue, which would have brought my education to a screeching halt, when I was finally so close to being finished. Getting my degree was important to me. I knew Edward would be able to help more financially as his career took off, but I wanted to know that I could provide a good life for our daughter on my own.

Edward had graduated with his master's the previous spring and had told me multiple times that he'd do anything he could to help me finish my program. As a single mom, even with some help, I'd had to go at a slower pace. I'd finished undergrad and was already enrolled in the Secondary Teacher Education Program at UDub for the upcoming year. It was the last thing I needed in order to earn my teaching certificate and Master in Teaching degree, and it wasn't something I could complete online. I'd be working and teaching with fellow classmates in local schools throughout the year. It would be devastating to have to give that up and move back to Forks to work in the diner or, God forbid, Newton's Outfitters.

Housing in Seattle was just too expensive. The apartment we'd been living in was in a nice area about halfway between campus and Edward and Kate's apartment. It was paid off, and the woman who owned it, one of Edward's friend's grandmother, had moved into an assisted living facility. When Edward had heard about it and found out how low the rent would be, he'd snapped it up immediately for Lily and me. It was perfect timing because I was ready to transfer from Peninsula to finish up my bachelor's degree.

Lily was two when we moved in, and it was great for her to be so much closer to Edward. She was a total Daddy's girl, and he just adored her. Not restricted to weekends any longer, he'd often show up during the week to take her to the park and give me a little study time. And when she started pre-school, he'd surprise her by picking her up for lunch at least once a week. It would be difficult for her to be so far away from him again. And for Edward as well, judging by how quickly he offered to take us in.

It was understandable for Kate to be put off by the idea of me staying here, but I couldn't believe she just _left_ him. Edward must have insisted that they take us in. He'd always seemed to underestimate her distaste for me, but still. For her to just give up… I wasn't sure what to make of that.

She'd be back, though. I was sure of it.

Edward loved her. They'd been together for years and years. They'd work it out.

Ignoring the little pang that thought sent through my heart, I started unpacking my suitcase, having to stop to wipe my nose here and there. I'd pretty much held it together for Lily up until the moment I stepped into Edward's arms, but my emotions finally overflowed. When he'd heard me sniffle, he squeezed me just a little tighter, and it meant the world to have his comfort. He was a great friend and a wonderful father, and Lily and I were both incredibly lucky to have him in our lives.

At the bottom of the suitcase I'd borrowed from Angela, I found my old red bikini. Picking it up, I rubbed the material between my fingers, memories from several summers ago swimming to the surface in my mind, the smell of evergreen trees and bonfires, the sounds of children laughing. It also reminded me of the day Edward and I first met.

* * *

**_Approximately six years earlier_**...

_"__Cannonbaaaaallllll!"_

_Cold water rained down on my heated skin, and with a shriek, I jumped up off the chaise, momentarily forgetting that I'd untied my bikini top to prevent tan lines._

_"__Hey, nice tits!"_

_"_Shit_," I hissed, covering myself with my arm and snatching my top up from the chair. Turning away from everyone in and around the large pool, I tied it back in place quickly as my skin burned with my embarrassment._

_"__Don't be such a jackass, Newton!" I heard a male voice shout from behind me. Footsteps slapped against the wet cement and grew closer to me. "Hey, you okay?" Same voice. Honey and silk. Also the same one I'd decided I wanted to listen to forever after hearing it that morning at our orientation._

_All the counselors were supposed to be getting to know one another during this free time, but I'd ended up dozing off on my chair by the pool._

_Heaving a deep breath, I turned to face the boy behind me, and my jaw immediately went slack. My eyebrows pulled together, and my lungs seized. I was pretty sure I was dying._

_Standing before me, dripping wet in black board shorts, which were unfairly plastered to his thighs, was none other than Edward. _

_Cutest-Camp-Counselor-Who-Ever-Lived-Edward. _

_My-Smile-Renders-Women-Everywhere-Speechless-Edward. _

_Mr-Camp-Veteran-If-You-Need-Anything-I'm-Your-Guy. _

_I wanted him to be my guy._

_It was obvious he'd shaken out his wet hair, so it was sticking up in every direction. His glistening skin was tan and pulled taut over hard, lean muscle, and those bluish green eyes were locked on mine and filled with concern._

_Why couldn't he be a cocky asshole? He could certainly pull it off._

_But no. He had to be all sweet and helpful on top of looking like _that_. _

_His head slowly tilted to one side as I continued to stare at him and display my talent as a mute._

_"__I'm fine," I finally managed to squeak out before grabbing my towel, covering my body, and bolting back to my cabin._

_"__Hey, wait!"_

_I couldn't wait. I could barely speak in his presence. _

_One of my bunkmates, Lauren, was in the cabin reading when I burst through the door. "Um…" She let her book fall to her chest. "Everything okay?"_

_"__Yeah," I panted. "Fine. Sorry. Just…" I waved my hand in the direction I'd come from like that would help explain anything. I was still panting. I seriously needed to work out more._

_Spent, I flopped face-down on my twin-sized bed and hoped Lauren could hear my pillow-muffled voice. "I just flashed everyone at the pool."_

_"__What?"_

_I lifted my face slightly and repeated myself._

_She laughed. "Nice. And I had you pegged as the shy one."_

_"__I _am_ the shy one," I whined. "I didn't do it on purpose."_

_"__Oh. Well… At least you have nice tits."_

_I snorted into the pillow. "Thanks. Apparently someone named Newton agrees with you."_

_"__And Edward too, I'm guessing."_

_Another snort. "Yeah. Right. I'm sure Camp Wallasatch's very own Adonis is just _**dying **_to get his hands on my little B-cups."_

_A voice much deeper than Lauren's replied, "He kind of is, actually."_

_There I went shrieking again._

_Lauren cackled as Edward stood against the doorframe, perfectly outlined by the sun behind him. _

_Of course._

_"__Adonis, huh?"_

_"__You— But— What—" I spluttered, desperately trying to string together some words and maybe breathe a little in between._

_One side of Edward's mouth lifted, rendering my lungs _completely_ useless. "Are you planning to finish any of these sentences?"_

_Maybe there was a cocky asshole in there after all. I narrowed my eyes at him. "Are you planning to tell us why you're on the girls' side of camp?"_

_Finding my coherent thought process took me by surprise, and my eyes widened. _

_Edward sighed. _

Sighed_._

_"__Your eyes," he croaked. Putting his fist up to his mouth, he cleared his throat. "They're uh… really pretty."_

_"__Oh, barf," Lauren said, standing from her bunk. "I have KP duty." She pointed at Edward, then me. "You two try to behave. Getting in trouble with Mrs. Cope before the kids even get here might just be a record." Edward rolled his eyes at her, and she flicked her blonde hair as she sauntered past him out the door. _

_"__Thank you," I whispered to him._

_He smiled weakly, like maybe he was embarrassed. Had he not meant to say it?_

_Edward sat down cross-legged on the floor a few feet from my bed. "You sure you're okay? You seemed pretty freaked out before."_

_"__I'm fine. Really. Just got a little wet. No big deal."_

_Edward sucked in a breath and started coughing and sputtering before I even finished my last sentence. I leapt off my bed and crouched beside him on the floor. Slapping him on the back a few times seemed to help, and he cleared his throat repeatedly._

_My hand was pressed against the hot skin of his back, and if I thought _talking_ to him rendered me stupid... Touching him took the brain-drain to a whole new level. _

_Edward finally caught his breath, and I found my words. "You all right?"_

_"__Fine. Yeah. I'm just gonna…" He stood abruptly, narrowly missing hitting me in the chin with his shoulder, which sent me backward to land hard on my butt. Taken off guard, I stared up at him from my position on the wooden floor, my weight resting back on my hands and my voice mute once again. His expression was pained as he stared back for a moment, his eyes roaming down my body and back up. With a groan, he twisted away from me and threw open the cabin door before stalking out._

_I sat for a minute and watched him take long strides through the trees toward the boys' side of camp. _

Well, that was… weird.

_Looking down, I realized my bare legs were sort of sprawled out and open from the way I landed. My top also provided some pretty nice cleavage, especially from his vantage point, even for my relatively small breasts. Was he… Could the hottest guy I've ever seen in real life have possibly been turned on? _

_By _me_? _

No. Freaking. Way.

* * *

A soft knock on the door frame pulled me out of the memory, and I looked up to see Edward standing there. Heat flooded my cheeks, and I dropped the bikini top like it had burned me.

He tilted his head at me and asked if I was okay, much like he had all those years ago.

"Oh, yeah. Fine. No worries." I plastered on a bright smile, and he cocked an eyebrow at me.

"Okay. I'm just gonna order some dinner. Chinese sound good?"

"Works for me. You know what Lily likes, right?"

Edward smiled that sweet Daddy-smile that only graced his face when he thought about our daughter. "Yeah."

"Okay. I'll have beef and broccoli."

"You got it." He tapped the door frame twice before walking back down the hallway.

"Oh, and eggrolls!" I yelled after him.

"Duh!"

Giggling, I put the last of my clothes into Lily's dark wood dresser and ran my hand over the top with a sigh. Her room was decorated with pink and brown ladybugs, and a cute polka-dotted lamp sat on top of her dresser. I was so grateful that she had this personal space to come to after having lost her other one. She had some clothes, books, and toys here, and I was sure sleeping in a familiar bed would be of great comfort to her.

* * *

After dinner, we watched _Enchanted_, Lily's favorite movie. She sat between Edward and me on the plush sofa, seemingly content. Once she fell asleep against me, Edward offered to put her to bed. I smiled and nodded at him, not used to having that kind of help. I was grateful that he could transport her without waking her up—something I wasn't able to do now that she was so big.

He smiled back, and one of his warm hands brushed against me as he gripped Lily where she was pressed against my side. Suppressing a shiver, I watched the muscles in his arms flex as he lifted our daughter, and I licked my lips, not realizing his eyes were on me. When I flicked mine up to meet his blue-green ones, he almost tripped over the leg of the coffee table.

I realized then that I hadn't really thought this living arrangement through. Especially with Kate gone and Lily's fairly early bedtime, Edward and I would be alone together more than I realized.

He'd always been off-limits before. And he still was, but...

What if Kate didn't come back?

What if it was really over between them?

If she really loved him, surely she wouldn't just walk away.

But…

What if?

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**KP duty = Kitchen Patrol duty - campers and counselors take turns helping serve meals and clean up afterward.**

**Thank you so much for reading! xoxo**


	4. Couch

**You guys are amazing. Thank you so much for your lovely reviews! And all you lurkers, thanks so much for reading! **

**Huge thanks to KniNut, Lellabeth, Hadley Hemingway, and Sophiacorgi. I'm a needy h00r, and these ladies put up with me and make these chapters better for you guys. **

**SM owns all things Twilight. Everything else is mine, including any mistakes.**

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**Chapter 4 - Couch**

**EPOV**

After getting Lily to bed, I had to make my excuses to Bella and head to my room to think. The way she looked at me, licking those lips that I hadn't tasted in years, was not how a friend looks at another friend. And the way my dick twitched at that _and_ at the way her lips wrapped around her eggroll at dinner was not so friendly either. It seemed like she understood my need to escape because she fake-yawned, claiming to be tired, and said she would be getting ready for bed shortly anyway.

It wasn't as if I hadn't been around Bella at all these past several years, and I wasn't blind. She'd always been beautiful. It was just that we were never really alone together. When we saw each other, it was to drop Lily off or pick her up. We would discuss things pertaining to our daughter during those times or over the phone. We talked fairly often and generally knew what was going on in each other's lives, but that was pretty much the extent of our friendship.

I knew she'd been seeing a guy named Riley once in a while, but he hadn't met Lily yet, so I didn't think it was anything serious. It was hypocritical of me, but I was glad there wasn't another man thinking he could play Daddy to my daughter.

Kate never really played Mommy to Lily, though. They got along fine, but Kate was always somewhat distant with her. On the weekends when Lily stayed with us, Kate often found reasons to be off doing other things. I never minded much because I cherished my Daddy-daughter time with Lil, and it didn't seem to bother her in the slightest either.

Kate's decision to leave was still weighing heavily on me as I lay in bed. We'd been through a lot together, and it was a shock to see her just give up on us.

I could admit that things had been feeling off between us lately, almost routine in a way, like we were just going through the motions. But I figured it was normal to go through periods like that, especially after having been together for so long. I had no reason to believe we wouldn't get through it.

I closed my eyes and tried to put myself in her shoes, and okay, I could admit that it would be uncomfortable for a guy she'd once had sex with to move into our home, but… Bella and I were never in love or anything. At least, I didn't think we were. We both knew at the time that it couldn't go beyond that summer.

It _was_ hard for me to get over Bella, but there was just too much distance between us back then. Getting back together with Kate was something I'd done countless times already, so I settled back into our relationship and did my best to forget about the brunette beauty from camp.

Little did I know…

Nearly six years later, I'd think Kate would be used to the fact that Bella and I were co-parents and friends. Kate and I broke up and got back together a lot in high school and even in the beginning of college, but our break-up before camp that fateful year was our last until now. She'd stayed with me when we found out Bella was pregnant, through the birth, and so on.

Maybe I just finally tested her love too much.

She and Bella were never exactly friends, but Kate had always been civil until today. Bella had always respected Kate's place in my life, and for Kate to accuse her of using Lily to try to come between us seemed ludicrous to me. Bella had never been flirty with me or made any indication that she still had feelings for me. And besides, I was the one who offered to take them both in. How could I tell Bella that Lily could stay but she couldn't? How could I separate our daughter from her mother?

Sighing, I rolled over and grabbed my phone. For the third time that evening, I tried to call Kate. And for the third time, all I got was her voicemail.

* * *

At just after 7AM the next morning, my internal alarm clock woke me up as usual. Rolling to the side, I stuck my arm out and found only cold, empty sheets. I cracked one eye open, and everything that had happened the day before came rushing back to my sleep-addled brain. Kate was gone. Lily and Bella were here.

And my morning wood was painful.

I rutted into the mattress a couple times before forcing myself to get up and get into the shower. I usually ran before my shower, but it was Sunday. My treadmill could go fuck itself.

Leaning my hands on the fancy tile in front of me, I bowed my head under the spray. The hot water felt amazing on the tense muscles in my back and shoulders. Yesterday had pretty much been a clusterfuck, and I needed to relax and clear my head.

A good release would do the trick, if only for a few minutes, so I gripped my still-hard dick and gave it a couple of good strokes. Images of Kate's naked body flooded my mind instantly, and I thought of our last time together. But then I remembered it was kind of methodical, like she just wanted to get it over with, and I knew that was going to be a boner-kill if I didn't move on to something else. My mind flashed briefly to Bella, and though my dick hardened further in my hand, it just felt all kinds of wrong. I'd gotten off to her many times during that summer we were at camp together, but that was in the past…

_There was no shortage of hot girls at Camp Wallasatch, but _this _girl… Bella. She did something to me I couldn't explain. Just looking into her big dark eyes made me sway on my feet. _

_What the fuck was that about?_

_And her hot little body in that bikini… Talking about being wet and then basically being spread open on the floor like that right in front of me… A guy could only take so much. _

_After storming out of Bella's cabin, I went straight to the only private bathroom I knew I could get into with no problem. I could've hammered nails with my dick, and it wasn't going down anytime soon on its own. Our camp groundsman, Lee, didn't care if the guy counselors used the bathroom in his small house on the grounds, as long as we cleaned up after ourselves. He understood that sometimes we needed the privacy not afforded to us by the shared camp bathrooms. I dug my keys out of my pocket and went inside, knowing he was out mowing the softball field. _

_Under the hot spray of the shower, I hissed in pleasure as soon as I pushed my dick into my fist. Squeezing, I imagined being buried to the hilt in Bella's wet heat, and I had to brace my hand on the tile or risk my knees giving out on me. _

Fuck.

_This girl was doing a number on me. I'd just met her, and already, she was all I could think about. There wasn't even room for Kate in my head at the moment. We were broken up anyway, for about the millionth time. I had no guilt as I stroked my cock hard to the image of Bella in that little red bikini. Except maybe that I was objectifying her, but… There was no denying I wanted her. Bad. _

_In my mind, I pulled her up from the floor of her cabin and locked our lips together. She'd sigh, tilting her head so I could kiss her neck as I untied the strings of her top. _

_I groaned and squeezed the head of my dick as I thought about feeling the weight of her bare tits in my hands, brushing my thumbs over her tight little nipples. _

"_God. Fuck." _

_I'd lay her down on her bed and slide my fingers inside her to get her ready, and then I'd wrap her long legs around my hips and push inside as she moaned my name. I'd watch how her gorgeous eyes grew heavy and eventually closed while I thrusted slow and deep until she fell apart in my arms. _

_My hand mimicked the way I wanted to fuck Bella. It didn't feel right calling it making love, but I definitely wanted to take my time with her. As I imagined the way her face would look and the way her body would tense around mine in her release, I came hard against the plain white tile, a stream of curse words, mixed with her name, leaving my mouth. _

_Shaking my head at myself, I used my hands to direct some water over to take care of my mess and then shut off the water and got out. _

_This was bad. _

_We were at camp for about seven weeks, and then we'd be going our separate ways. If she didn't live in or near Seattle, I had to try to stay away from her for the rest of the summer. That was all there was to it. I didn't want to take advantage of her or hurt her in any way. _

_I didn't know if she felt what I felt, but she definitely seemed nervous around me. I couldn't let her get attached to me. I had a feeling I'd get attached to _her _too, and we would both probably be better off if I just kept my distance. _

Obviously I hadn't done a very good job at keeping my distance. The evidence of that was sleeping in her room down the hall. But things were different now. I couldn't think of Bella that way anymore without some intense guilt making itself at home in my gut.

Reluctantly, I ended up settling on my celebrity crush and finished fairly quickly with a somewhat satisfied grunt.

My brain was blissfully empty for about a minute after I came, but then reality came crashing back in. With a groan, I shut off the water, stepped out, and dried off, dressing quickly and heading out to the kitchen.

Sunday meant banana nut pancakes for Lily and me. I had a little time before she would wake up, though, and I needed coffee.

Stepping into the living room from the hallway, I froze in place when my eyes landed on the couch.

Bella was lying there asleep, her dark hair spilling all over the place in silky waves and one long bare leg exposed all the way up to the tiniest pair of shorts I'd ever seen. Of course my traitorous dick stirred in my pants, and I squeezed my eyes shut, running a hand through my hair and gripping it at the roots. Blowing out a long breath, I re-opened my eyes and almost whimpered.

_I did _not _think this through._

I should've known she'd end up on the couch. Lily probably kicked her until she couldn't take it anymore.

But I couldn't figure out why Bella was suddenly affecting me like this again. Even though we'd slept together, we hadn't _literally_ slept together, so I'd never seen her like this, all sleepy-soft and sexy. Maybe that was it. But still... It'd been almost six _years_ since I'd had sex with her.

Sex.

With Bella.

_Fuck_.

"Daddy?"

A sigh of relief escaped me as all my focus went to my little girl, and my arousal was quickly extinguished.

Lily came down the hall, dressed in her Minnie Mouse pajamas, rubbing one eye and yawning. Her hair was a complete rat's nest, as usual, because of how much she moved around in her sleep, and the familiar sight made me smile.

She really was the light of my life.

I'd never given much thought to having kids before I found out about Lily. I was only nineteen at the time, after all. And scared shitless, I might add.

"Hey, pumpkin. Sleep okay?"

"Yeah. Is it pancake day?"

I chuckled at her. "It _is_ pancake day. Want to go wake up Mommy?" Lily's eyes widened, and an excited gasp left her at the mention of Bella. "Did you forget she was here?"

"Yes," she whispered, stepping around me and tiptoeing toward the couch. "Mommy?" She poked her in the cheek.

"_Lily_!" I whisper-yelled. "Don't poke her in the face."

Bella didn't move.

"Mommy, wake up." Lily grasped her shoulder and shook her a little. "Mommy." And then harder. "Mommy, Mommy, Mommy!"

Jesus, was she dead?

"Mmph." Bella didn't open her eyes. She just buried her face in the pillow and hiked that exposed leg up around the blanket, turning slightly and unintentionally showing off the curve of her ass.

_Shit._

So, Bella slept in minuscule shorts and was hard to wake up. Noted. "Lily, honey, let's let Mommy sleep some more." Stepping closer, I placed my hands on her shoulders and gently steered her away from the couch. "She probably didn't sleep very well last night."

Lily stopped and looked up at me. "But it's pancake day."

"I know. Mommy will wake up when she's ready, okay? Let's get started on those pancakes."

She huffed and glumly said, "All right," before continuing on to the kitchen.

I sat her on the counter and started gathering ingredients. Lily was quiet for a moment, which was unlike her. She was usually a chatterbox while we made our Sunday pancakes.

"Daddy?"

Pausing, I noted the trepidation in her voice. "What is it, sweet girl?"

"Are… Are we going to live here with you forever? Mommy and me? Like a real family?"

My throat went dry instantly, and I found it difficult to swallow. "Uh…" I should've known she'd ask something like that, and I should've been prepared with an answer. But I had no idea what to say. "What did Mommy say about that?"

She looked down at her hands. "Um, she said it would just be for a little while." Looking back at me, she trapped me with those big gorgeous eyes of hers. They were sometimes brown, sometimes green but quite a bit darker than mine and shaped like Bella's. "But can it be forever, Daddy?"

My heart thumped hard for a second, and I realized I was actually picturing it—waking up with those long bare legs tangled with mine and that soft dark hair tickling my face every morning. Waking Bella up with kisses down her spine, and when that didn't work, listening to her sweet laugh as I kissed… _elsewhere_.

I'd get to help get Lily ready for school every day and tuck her in every night. We could just… be together. All the time.

I would do anything for my little girl, and I never wanted to disappoint her. But I couldn't make promises like that when they couldn't be kept.

Coming out of my daze and placing my hand over both of hers, I shook my head. "I don't think so, baby girl."

The disappointment that washed over her face seemed to match perfectly with the feeling that invaded my chest with my answer.

They'd only been in my apartment for _one night_.

I was _engaged_ to Kate.

What the hell was happening to me?

* * *

**Thank you so much for reading! xoxo**


	5. Beautiful

**I cannot even accurately express how much I appreciate you all reading and leaving me your thoughts. I hate that I don't have time to reply to everyone, but please know that I read them all and appreciate each and every one! **

**Eternal thanks to Hadley Hemingway, Sophiacorgi, Lellabeth, and KniNut for their work on this.**

**SM owns all things Twilight. Everything else is mine, including any mistakes. **

* * *

**Chapter 5 - Beautiful**

**BPOV**

Lying in bed with Lily that first night, my thoughts were jumbled—puzzle pieces scattered everywhere that I couldn't figure out how to fit together.

Edward was hot. There was no disputing that. But it wasn't as if I'd been pining for him all these years. We both knew back then that it couldn't last. After camp ended and I went back to Phoenix, I had to work hard to get over him. When I told him I was pregnant, and he'd said he was back together with Kate, I forced myself to let go. He wasn't mine, and I just couldn't let myself think of him in that way anymore.

Admittedly, there was a part of me that had hoped he'd break up with her and want to be with me, but I never told him that. I didn't want him to be with me out of guilt or obligation. They were high school sweethearts, and I was his summer fling who he'd knocked up. What did I expect, really? For him to just dump her for a girl he'd only known a couple of months?

No. Kate was gorgeous—a blonde bombshell if there ever was one. Once I'd found his profile on Facebook and seen their pictures together, I knew I didn't stand a chance. Not that looks were everything. But they looked like they were in love, like they belonged together.

Seeing that damn red bikini had brought back so many memories of that summer we spent together. I hadn't let myself think about it in a long time. Maybe that was why I found myself noticing things about Edward again that I hadn't let myself in forever—how his muscles moved under his skin, how long his eyelashes were, how watching his lips move made me want to touch them, kiss them.

I could still remember how it felt all those years ago when I thought he might kiss me—how the huge, winged creatures would swoop in and attack my stomach.

As Lily kicked me in the thigh for the umpteenth time, I let my mind take me back to simpler times again.

_After the incident in my cabin, Edward and I didn't interact much for the next several days. It almost seemed like he was avoiding me, but I couldn't be sure. I'd catch him looking at me sometimes, and my stomach would dive down to my feet in that instant when our eyes would connect. But then he'd quickly look away, and I didn't know what to think. _

_On our second day, the campers arrived for the first three-and-a-half-week term, and we were all busy getting them settled in and getting to know the kids assigned to each of us. _

_There were twelve male and twelve female counselors, and each of us was responsible for a cabin of six campers._

_I was getting along okay with the other five counselors in my cabin—the best with Lauren and Amanda. I'd gotten the stink-eye from Jessica for taking one of the two single beds even though I was told it was first come, first serve, but she'd backed off after Amanda kicked her mattress from the bunk below her. Stephenie and Amy seemed to mostly keep to themselves._

_My campers were pretty great—six sassy twelve-year-olds, but they were mostly sweet and helpful to me and each other. _

_Friday night brought the first of two bonfires the camp would have during this term, and I was looking forward to relaxing a bit and getting to know some of the other campers and staff members. I still didn't even know all the counselors' names. It didn't help that I was pretty horrible with names to begin with._

_"__Hey. Bella, right?" Dinner had just ended when a guy in red shorts and a South Park t-shirt stopped me on my way out of the mess hall. I thought his name might've been Mark, but I wasn't about to try to guess. _

_"__Yeah..."_

_"__Mike." He stuck his hand out to shake mine, which was beyond weird, but I couldn't just leave him hanging. "Are you here for the full season?"_

_"__I'll see you later," Amanda said, stepping away. I gave her wide _'how-dare-you-leave-me'_ eyes, but she just mouthed "sorry" and shot me a sympathetic smile. _

_Bitch._

_I turned my attention back to Mark. _Mike_. "Yep. You?" _

_"__Oh, yeah. Always. So, listen. You know there's a bonfire tonight, and I was wondering—"_

_"__Move along, Newton."_

_My arm instinctively moved up to cover my chest as a hot flush made its way over my skin. "Newton?" I questioned Edward, who was now thankfully standing in Amanda's abandoned spot. "As in hey-nice-tits-Newton?" _

_"__That's the one." He leveled Mike with a smug look, daring him to try to say something in his own defense. _

_Pink flooded Newton's cheeks, but he remained silent and stared stonily at Edward for a moment before turning toward the boys' cabins without a word. _

_"__Jackass," Edward muttered under his breath as we watched Mike kick a few innocent rocks along his way. "C'mon." He cut his eyes to me and then jerked his head toward one of the paths that cut through the tall trees, leading away from the main area to various parts of the camp. "I'll show you where the clearing is."_

_I sighed in relief. The bonfire would be starting in an hour, and I was glad to not have to rely on that jerk, Newton, to get me there. "Thank you. This place is huge."_

_"__Yeah. It takes some getting used to."_

_We set off down the path, and I watched my flip-flops kick up little clouds of dirt as we walked, trying to rein in my nervousness and just talk to this beautiful boy. "How old were you when you first started coming here?"_

_"__Eleven."_

_"__Wow. You weren't kidding about being a veteran."_

_Edward chuckled. "Nope. I could probably find my way around here with my eyes closed." He proceeded to shut his eyes and hold his arms out to feel his way around and then promptly tripped over a large tree root. "Ah, shit."_

_Out of reflex, I grabbed hold of his bicep to try to keep him from falling, but it was no use. He went down hard on his stomach, and I ended up landing on my right arm. "_Ow_."_

_"__God. Sorry. Are you okay?"_

_My arm hurt, but it wasn't the worst injury I'd ever had. "I think so. Just… don't do that again."_

_"__Trust me. I won't," he replied with a laugh. It trailed off quickly as he turned his head toward me and realized I was practically on top of him, my left arm still trapped between his right arm and his side and my boobs pressed against him. _

_He smiled softly and released my arm, rolling to his side to face me and propping himself up on his elbow. A strange kind of electricity I was sure I'd never felt before crackled in the small space between us as we lay there for a moment. His eyes looked more blue than green because of the shirt he was wearing, and they focused on my lips for a beat too long to be innocent. _

_That was the moment I knew I hadn't imagined his attraction to me that first day. _

_It was the first time we'd been alone together since then. _

_Edward raised his hand toward my face, lifting my sunglasses with his index finger so he could see my eyes. I was sure they were filled with the same thing as his... _Want_._

_"__Pretty," he whispered. _

_My cheeks grew hot as he propped the shades on top of my head and leaned toward me. _

_I wanted this boy to kiss me more than I'd ever wanted anything in my entire life._

_Anticipation zinged through me, and my gaze darted from his eyes to his full lips and back as he grew closer, watching me intently and gauging my reaction. _

_I let my eyes fall shut just as his lips were about to touch mine._

_"__Hey! You guys all right?"_

_"__Fuck," Edward whispered, sending a shiver through me as his breath ghosted over my lips. "We're fine!" he shouted back toward the people coming down the trail. He hauled himself up and then offered a hand to me. "I'm sorry, Bella."_

_I shook my head. "For what?"_

_"__I should've been helping you up, not trying to maul you."_

_Rolling my eyes, I brushed the dirt off my clothes. "You weren't _mauling_ me."_

_Edward smirked and then bent down to my ear, letting his lips just barely brush against it. "Not yet," he murmured before turning and resuming his path down the trail._

_It took my brain a second to come out of the fog his words had put me in, and I caught up to him, poking him in the side. "That was mean."_

_He flashed me a crooked smile and changed the subject. "So, uh… I'd steer clear of Newton if I were you."_

_"__No problem there."_

_He laughed. "Good. He's been coming here almost as long as I have, and I know him pretty well. You seem like a really nice girl, and I don't want you to get hurt." He palmed the back of his neck, and I didn't think I'd ever seen anything quite so understatedly sexy. "It's just that… he's one of those guys who really only wants one thing from a girl, if you catch my drift."_

_"__A pen pal relationship?"_

_Edward looked at me like I had three heads, and I burst out laughing. _

_"__Kidding. I know you mean sex."_

_He groaned. "God, please don't say that word around me."_

_My eyebrows rose, and I giggled. "Sorry. And you're not one of those guys?" _

_"__No!" he exclaimed, making me jump a little. "I mean, I want… _sex_, but that's not all I want from you. I mean, a girl! Not _you_." His eyes were wide as he stammered. "Not that I wouldn't want that with you. Motherfucking hell." He covered his eyes with his hand and muttered something else._

_Nervous Edward was insanely cute, but I reached up to pry his hand away. "Hey, now. We wouldn't want you to trip again." I was going for playful, but it seemed to fall flat._

_"__No," he muttered, his brows furrowed and eyes on the ground. "We wouldn't want that."_

_The ensuing silence was awkward as we were both no doubt thinking about our almost-kiss. I wondered if we were ever going to reach the meadow. _

_Edward cleared his throat suddenly. "So, anyway. Newton. Seriously. He's a pig. Cheney too. Oh, and Crowley. They're all from the same little hick town a few hours from here. Forks, I think. They think they're hot shit."_

_"__Forks?"_

_"__Yeah. Weird name, huh?"_

_"__No. Well, I mean, kind of, but it's just that I actually know it. My dad lives there, and I've visited quite a bit." I thought back for a second and searched my memory. "So he's Newton, as in Newton's Outfitters?"_

_"__Yes. God. That's all he ever talks about. How he's going to take over the company and expand and become a millionaire." Edward scoffed. "Yeah, right."_

_I shrugged. "I guess it's a possibility. Who knows?"_

_He kicked a rock off into the woods to his left. "So how is it that you don't know any of them? Jessica and Lauren are from there too."_

_Looking up, I saw that we were coming up on a break in the trees to what must be the meadow. "Um, I was always visiting my dad, and he stays in a lot. The only times we went anywhere were to fish or hang out at the reservation nearby. Sometimes to the diner, but I didn't really meet any other kids except the rez kids."_

_His eyebrows rose high up his forehead. "_The_ diner? As in, there's only one?"_

_I laughed. "Yep. Very small town. My dad's the police chief there." _

_"__Oh." Edward took a noticeable step away from me, and I didn't like that one bit. "I live in Seattle. Just a tad bigger," he said with a smile._

_Holding up my index finger and thumb in front of my eye, I agreed, "Just a tad." _

_"__So you don't live in Washington?" _

_"__Nope. Phoenix."_

_Edward shoved his hands into the pockets of his cargo shorts and looked… disappointed? "What made you want to come to this camp? Pretty far from home."_

_I sighed. "Yeah. My mom's new boyfriend is kind of a dick, and he moved in a couple months ago. Charlie, my dad, had heard about this camp, I guess from people in town, and thought it would be a good way for me to get away and earn some extra money for college."_

_He nodded. "Well, we're finally here. It's a bit of a hike but… worth it," he finished with a slight shrug._

_"__Oh, wow," I breathed out as I took in the grassy area that was absolutely covered in purple, yellow, and pink flowers. "This is beautiful."_

_I could see in my periphery that Edward's eyes were on me as he said, "Yeah. Beautiful."_

* * *

Huffing in frustration, I got out of bed, grabbed my pillow and a spare blanket, and headed out to the living room. I needed to stop letting myself reminisce. No good would come of it.

As I lay there on the couch, I felt tingles of awareness dancing over my skin. There was only a wall separating me from where Edward was sleeping. I'd never seen him asleep before, and I could only imagine how gorgeous he looked, face relaxed, hair mussed, long body sprawled out.

_Shit. No. _

This had to stop. It was only the _first_ freaking day. But I expected mostly stilted awkwardness, at best. I never expected Kate to be gone. I never expected dinner and a movie together, talking and laughing as a little family.

My heart clenched with longing, and I turned to my side and stared at the wall behind which Edward was sleeping. My X-ray vision failed me, so with yet another huff of frustration, I rolled over and shut my eyes.

* * *

Once I'd finally fallen asleep, I slept hard. It always took me a few minutes to shake off the fog of sleep when I woke up, so I lay there and rubbed my eyes. I could hear cabinets being opened and closed in the kitchen, and I peeked over the back of the couch. Lily was sitting up on the counter, facing toward me but watching Edward pull things down from the cupboards. When I remembered it was Sunday, I smiled. She'd always raved about his banana nut pancakes, and I was excited to finally get to try them.

Edward's hair was still damp from his shower, and he had on dark jeans and a gray t-shirt, which was of course clinging to his skin in places where he hadn't dried off enough. For a few moments too long, I watched the way his broad shoulders moved as he gathered what he needed.

A quiet groan left me, and I started to get up. But then I heard Lily ask him about us being a family, and I froze. My heart took off at a gallop as I awaited his answer.

I found it strange that he paused for a moment, like he was really thinking about it. My breathing grew shallow, and my fingers curled over the back of the couch. It was hard to make out his facial expression, but he almost looked sad as he told her, "I don't think so, baby girl."

Lil's head bowed, weighed down by her disappointment, and I wanted nothing more than to pull her into a big hug.

The disappointment _I_ felt was jarring, to say the least, because I'd known for a long time that we would never be together that way. We _were_ a family, just a slightly unconventional one. Still… I couldn't help but picture it—the three of us together forever—another thing I hadn't let myself do in a long time.

Maybe it was a bad idea for me to stay here. I'd been so good at compartmentalizing everything, locking away my hopes and accepting the reality of our situation.

I'd have to speak with Edward about possibly leaving Lily with him while I stayed with a friend or something. I hated to do that, but it would probably be for the best. These feelings swirling around inside me were getting so confusing already, and it would only get worse. And when Kate came back, I would likely just end up bitter and sad.

My mind made up, I resolved to bite the bullet and discuss it with Edward that evening after Lily was in bed.

But first… Pancakes.

* * *

**Thank you so much for reading! xoxo**


	6. Ridiculous

**Thank you all so, so much for leaving me your thoughts on chapter five! I got some replies out, but if I missed you, I apologize. I have such a hard time keeping track. If only ffn would put in a 'like' button. ;) **

**Huge thanks, as always, to KniNut, Sophiacorgi, Hadley Hemingway, and Lellabeth! **

**Some questions answered: Lily turned five in May in the present year of the story. The fire and move-in occurred in early July. Edward turned 25 in June. Bella is 24 and will turn 25 in September. (They were 19 and 18, respectively, when they met at camp)**

**Their summer camp is based off of a real one in Colorado (theirs is in Washington) that runs for about seven weeks, broken up into two 3.5-week terms, ending in early August. **

**There will be more flashbacks. They will not always go in chronological order because they will not always be coming from the same person/point of view.**

**SM owns all things Twilight. Everything else is mine, including any mistakes.**

* * *

**Chapter 6 - Ridiculous**

BPOV

"God," I groaned, dropping my fork onto my syrup-covered plate and leaning back in my chair. "Those were _so_ good."

Edward's eyes were on me, but they seemed to go unfocused for a moment. Then he shook his head as if to clear it, and pink bloomed on his cheeks. "Thanks. I'm glad you liked them."

"Told you, Mommy!" Lily interjected.

"You sure did. Let's clean up to show Daddy how much we appreciate him, okay?"

"Okay!" she yelled, clapping her hands and grasping her plate.

I needed to scale back her sugar intake.

Edward looked up and smiled softly at me as I took his plate. A strong urge to touch his silky hair came over me, and I stepped away quickly, doing my best to ignore the way my heart fluttered.

He stood to help clear the table, but then his phone rang. Upon checking the caller ID, his head snapped up, and he locked eyes with me. "I'm sorry. It's Kate. I need to…" He inclined his head toward his bedroom, and I nodded, forcing a smile.

The flutters died as my heart sank like an anchor in my chest.

Mentally berating myself, I finished clearing the table as Lily dropped our plastic cups into the sink.

I was being so stupid.

As I'd already told myself a hundred times, Kate would be back. Who the hell would give up a guy like Edward?

He was smart and funny, sweet and handsome. Fiercely loyal and dependable. He had his flaws like anyone, sure, but they were insignificant compared to his good qualities.

* * *

Once we finished the dishes, I kept Lily busy in her bedroom while Edward was on the phone in his. Although I was curious, that phone call was none of my business, and I didn't want him to think I was eavesdropping.

He appeared in Lily's doorway about thirty minutes after he'd gone to his room. The look on his face seemed apologetic for some reason.

"What's up?"

"I need to leave for a bit. Kate wants to meet up."

Gulping around the sudden lump in my throat, I nodded and forced another smile. "That's good, right?"

Edward palmed the back of his neck. "I'm not sure."

I tilted my head, trying to get a read on him. "Okay. Well, Lil and I could always make ourselves scarce if she's wanting to come home and doesn't want us around. We don't want to be an intrusion."

"You're _not_. Please don't think that." He looked pained as he ran a hand through his hair. He must have been so conflicted.

"Well… all right. I guess we'll be here when you get back then. See you later?"

He drew in a deep breath and blew it out, nodding. "Yeah. Later."

He seemed so nervous, and I felt guilty for the fleeting hope that this was the end of their relationship. It flickered through my brain before I could stop it, and thankfully he was gone before he saw the blush of embarrassment take over my face.

* * *

When the front door opened a couple hours later, my heart rate sped up. I didn't know if Kate would be with him or not, and it was selfish of me to hope she wasn't.

_Lock that shit down, Bella._

Maybe I was just lonely. I hadn't gotten together with Riley in a while, and I hadn't had an actual boyfriend since before getting pregnant with Lily. I just never met anyone I felt serious enough about to introduce into her life. I probably never would've dated at all if Sue hadn't insisted that I go out and have some fun. I'd met some guys at Peninsula in Port Angeles that were just that—fun. I got to act my age and have my itches scratched once in a while without detracting from my time with Lily. It worked for me, but it wasn't all I wanted for my life. I knew at some point, I wanted someone to share my life with completely. Mine and Lily's.

I was finishing up unloading the dishwasher when I heard Lily exclaim, "Daddy!" After putting the last of the cups away, I prepared myself to see Kate arm-in-arm with Edward. This was her home, after all. She had every right to be here. _I_ was the usurper, of sorts. Or at least I was sure that's how she viewed me.

Kate was nowhere to be seen, though, when I got to the living room. Edward and Lily were sitting on the couch with their heads together, and she squealed when he reached out and tickled her suddenly.

Smiling, I watched them for a few minutes. When Edward noticed me leaning against the wall, he returned my smile. "Hey."

"Hey."

I glanced toward the hallway, and Edward caught on to what I was thinking. "Kate's not here."

"Oh. Okay. I mean, it's not really my business. I just… don't want to be in the way."

He shook his head. "You're not. Really. Please relax."

At his words, I felt some of the tension I hadn't realized was building up in my shoulders melt away. Jostling my shoulders comically, I blew out a breath, and Lily giggled at me as one side of Edward's mouth lifted higher than the other.

"Mommy's silly," my little girl said.

"She is, isn't she? Should we tickle her?"

"Yeah!"

"No!" I shouted at the same time, taking off at a jog around the room, trying to avoid their outstretched hands and wiggling fingers.

After successfully dodging my attackers by darting around, going over the couch, and even doing a ninja roll once, Edward finally had me cornered. Lily was giggling uncontrollably, eventually screaming out, "Get her, Daddy!" and then immediately covering her mouth with both hands.

I couldn't wipe the smile off my face as Edward stalked toward me, his eyes on mine rooting me to the spot. His arms were at his sides, but his elbows were bent, hands at the ready. His sly smirk almost made my knees buckle. The air felt charged as he inched closer, crouching a little, like he was truly going to pounce on me.

For a moment, I thought about letting him get me. I wanted his hands on me more than anything. But I knew it would only make it harder for me to bottle up my attraction, so at the last second, I darted under his arms and around him, jumping in victory. "Haha, suckahs!"

"No fair, Mommy."

"Aww, we'll get her next time." Edward tousled her hair and winked at her, which made her smile, in turn making _me_ smile.

* * *

Later that evening, after Lily was in bed, Edward and I sat down in the living room, him on the couch and me folded into one of the armchairs. He told me that things were still kind of up in the air with Kate. After much discussion, they ultimately made the mutual decision to take some more time apart and see how they felt about everything. He said he was honest with her about how conflicted he felt. Lily was a top priority, but so was Kate. I fell somewhere near the top as well, but I knew it was only because I was Lily's mother.

"I'm so sorry, Edward. I never meant to cause so much trouble." I rested my forehead on my knees. "I just feel awful, and she must _hate_ me." As a realization hit me, I snapped my head up. "And you… I mean, your _fiancée_ _left_ you because of me. You must hate me too. Oh, _God_."

"No, Bella. Please. I could never hate you."

I wasn't sure I believed him, but warm, soothing relief blanketed me anyway.

I chewed on my thumbnail, not really wanting to say what I was about to say, but I knew I had to. "Look, I know I said I'd stay out of sight as much as possible, but it's not enough, which I totally understand. I can… maybe I can stay with Angela for a while and then try to get a dorm room on campus and leave Lily here with you guys. If that'll fix things between you." I couldn't be the cause of Edward losing his fiancée. No matter how much I might've thought they weren't exactly right for each other. It just couldn't be because of me.

Edward was shaking his head before I'd finished. "No. I told you on the phone that it didn't feel right to separate you and Lily, especially after what you've both been through. I meant that. You're staying here." He suddenly looked unsure. "Unless… unless of course you don't want to."

"No, I do. I mean, I want to be with Lily. Of _course_ I do. I just don't want to make your life difficult."

"You're not, Bella. It's not you. It's…" He watched his hands that were making nervous movements in his lap as he spoke. "Kate and I have been growing apart for a while now. I just think we've both been too stubborn to admit it. You were just…" He let out a heavy breath. "...the catalyst, I guess."

My shoulders slumped. "That doesn't make me feel any better."

"No." He shook his head. "I just mean that something like this was probably going to happen sooner or later, and it's better that it happened now rather than after the wedding."

"Oh."

"We talked a lot… something we haven't been very good at lately. She admitted that she's grown resentful of my adoration for Lily, and she's always felt threatened by you." Edward's eyes darted to me but then went back to his hands. "She thinks I still have feelings for you," he added quietly.

_Wow._

Swallowing thickly, I cut my eyes to him and saw confusion written all over his handsome face. I felt just as confused. How could she possibly think that? They'd been together all these years—_living_ together. He'd asked her to _marry_ him, for fuck's sake. There was just no way.

I didn't ask if she was right because I knew what the answer would be. I didn't need the kind of disappointment actually hearing him say it would bring.

"Well, I'm sure you told her how ridiculous _that_ was. I mean, you and I haven't been together in _years_." My voice sounded fake and too high-pitched, and I laughed, most likely sounding completely deranged.

Judging by the look on Edward's face, that was exactly how I sounded.

His Adam's apple slid way down his throat and back up, like he swallowed hard. "Right," he said, his gaze moving back to his hands, brows furrowed. "Ridiculous."

* * *

**Thank you so much for reading! xo**


	7. Good

**Since I can't get replies out like I want, I'm updating again to show my appreciation for your lovely reviews. They mean so much to me. Thank you!**

**Thank you to all who read, rec, and lurk too! :)**

**Eternal thanks go to Lellabeth, Sophiacorgi, Hadley Hemingway, and KniNut. They are invaluable.**

**Thanks again to Twilly for being born! ;)**

**A question came up asking how many chapters this story will be, and the answer is, I'm not sure yet. I've never been good at following a hard outline, but I'd say we're at least a third of the way through. **

**SM owns all things Twilight. Everything else is mine, including any mistakes.**

* * *

**Chapter 7 - Good**

_As we watched orange sparks dance up into the inky sky, Edward stood close to me. We'd been at the bonfire for a couple of hours, and I'd mingled and met some more people, but Edward and I seemed to keep gravitating toward each other. _

_Lauren was telling us a hilarious story about a drunk Truth or Dare game gone wrong, involving two straight guys groping each other, among other things, when Mike walked up. _

_My laughter died, and I couldn't hide the grimace on my face. _

_"'__Sup," he said with a lift of his chin, small blue eyes landing on each of us._

_"__Nothing, Mike," Lauren replied, flicking her hand at him. "Go back to your little worshippers over there."_

_I peeked around him, and sure enough, there was a group of girls, probably around thirteen years old, giggling and whispering while making goo-goo eyes toward his back._

Mike? _Really?_

_I mean, he was kind of cute, in a cookie-cutter, frat-boy kind of way, but he was nothing compared to Edward. Not that I wanted a gaggle of girls following Edward around, but... he had the kind of face that could inspire poetry. Looking at him took my breath away every single time._

_"__Go suck a dick, Lauren."_

_She and I both gasped, but she got right in his face and jabbed him in the chest with her index finger. "You listen here, you piece of shi—"_

_"__Problem, guys?" Peter, one of the counselor coordinators, had suddenly appeared next to us, shrewd eyes assessing the situation. _

_Lauren stepped back but kept her eyes narrowed and on Mike. Her jaw clenched hard before she answered, "No, sir."_

_"__Good. Let's keep it civil, especially in front of the campers."_

_"__Will do," Edward chimed in. _

_Peter eyed Mike for another moment before moving on from our little circle._

_As soon as he was gone, I noticed Mike's eyes on me. He looked me up and down, smirking, and I instinctively moved closer to Edward, feeling the heat of his body against my side. I may not have known him very well, but he made me feel safe, nonetheless. _

_Mike caught the movement and pursed his lips, looking to Edward and then letting his mouth relax back into a smirk. "So, Edward," he said. "How's Kate?"_

_I could feel Edward's body go rigid next to me for a second, but his voice remained smooth. "I believe she's fine."_

_I glanced up at him, but he kept his eyes on Mike. If Mike was asking Edward about a girl, it had to be his girlfriend, right? Maybe it was his sister. Of course. His sister. That would be a normal thing to ask about. Right?_

_"__Dude, I still remember that picture you showed us a couple years back. I bet she's an animal in bed, huh?"_

_A disappointing chill crawled over my body, and I crossed my arms over my chest, curling into myself. Definitely not his sister. _

_Warmth flooded back through me from the spot where Edward's fingertips suddenly came to rest on the small of my back. Glancing up at him again, I saw his jaw clench and his nostrils flare. "I didn't _show_ you anything. You pricks stole my fucking phone."_

_"__Whatever, man," Mike said with a laugh. "I can't believe you get to tap that."_

_"_Tap that_? Really, Mike?" Lauren shook her head in disgust. "I'm outta here, guys. Sorry. I can't deal with this asslicker."_

_"__Aww, don't be like that. Jessica likes a little rimming." He put his arm around her, and judging by the look on her face, he was about to lose it. "I bet you would too," he said, waggling his disgusting tongue at her._

_Faster than I could blink, Lauren grabbed his hand, ducked under his arm, and twisted it until he whimpered. Her voice stayed low and deadly as she leaned toward his ear. "Do. Not. Touch. Me. _Ever._ You scum-sucking _cretin_." The second she let go of him, she stormed off._

_Rubbing his shoulder, Mike watched her disappear into the crowd and muttered, "Crazy bitch."_

_"__Hey!" I yelled. It was louder than I intended, and everyone close to us suddenly had their eyes on me. I faltered and felt heat flood my cheeks. "Just… shut up, okay?" I finally said to Mike. "Enough."_

_He scoffed. "Whatever, Bella. You wanna waste your time with some asshole who's just using you to get his rocks off while he's away from his supermodel girlfriend? Be my guest. But if you want a real man who knows how to treat a lady, you know where to find me." _

_Edward snorted as Mike's eyes wandered over me again. He licked his lips, and a violent shudder ran through me as an image of his face between Jessica's asscheeks flashed through my mind. "Gross," I whispered._

_Edward laughed. "I'm sure her dad would be happy to know you'd like to toss her salad, Mike."_

_He rolled his eyes. "Like I give a fuck about what her dad thinks."_

_"__You should," I said. "He's the chief of police in Forks."_

_"__Bullshit."_

_"__My last name is Swan, Mike. You do the math." I walked away from a dumbfounded Mike with Edward's palm pressed reassuringly against my back. "What an _ass_hole," I said as I dug my chapstick out of my pocket to reapply for the tenth time that night._

_"__Right? I told you."_

_"__God, he's even worse than I thought, though." _

_We'd walked a little ways into the woods when Edward stopped me with a warm hand on my arm. "Hey, about what he said…"_

_"__It's okay." I looked down at his hand still resting on me. "You don't have to explain anything. It's not like anything's happened between you and me."_

_"__Do you _want_ anything to happen?" His hand trailed up my arm, leaving goosebumps in its wake. He tucked a strand of hair behind my ear, and my chest felt like it caved in as all my breath left me. _

_"__But… but what about your girlfriend?"_

_"__She's not my girlfriend."_

_"__No?"_

_He inched closer to me, fully inside my personal bubble now. _So tall… _"No," he said. "We broke up two months ago."_

_"__Oh," I breathed out into the small space between us. _

_"__Bella." His head tilted down toward me, and he was _**so **_close, the warmth from his body emanating out onto mine. _

_I wasn't sure how I was still standing upright. _

_"__Y—yes?"_

_"__I've been trying to keep my distance, but... I don't know if I can anymore. I haven't been able to stop thinking about what almost happened earlier on the trail." He smiled softly and brushed the pad of his thumb across my bottom lip. "Will you let me kiss you?"_

_Without my permission, my body swayed toward him slightly. Everything in me was screaming out _yes. _All I could manage was a small nod, though. It was enough. Edward stepped even closer to me and cupped my jaw in his large hands, tilting my face up just as his soft lips descended on mine. I gripped his biceps, skimming my fingertips underneath the sleeves of his t-shirt as he sucked on my bottom lip. _

_An embarrassing sound left my mouth, something close to a whimper, but it made my lips part. Edward took it as an invitation to deepen the kiss. _

_Permission granted._

_His tongue flicked my top lip before he tilted his head and really went for it, locking our lips together and stroking my tongue with his own. Every inch of my skin absolutely erupted in goosebumps as his hands skimmed over my neck and shoulders, down my arms, and then over my waist, finally resting on my hips. _

_I wanted to eliminate the remaining few inches between our bodies, so I slid my hands over his shoulders and hooked them around his neck. _

_The groan he let out as our bodies came into full contact was the sexiest thing I'd ever heard in my life. My fingers threaded through the hair at the back of his head just as his hands cupped my ass, and we both moaned into each other's mouths, keeping our lips glued together._

_It was hard for me to believe this gorgeous boy could want me like this, but I put my self-doubt aside and melted into the moment, appreciating his hard body against mine and his hands roaming my curves. It was, by far, the hottest, most arousing kiss I'd ever experienced, and I never wanted it to end. _

_When we came up for air, he raised his eyebrows. "Mmm," he hummed, licking his perfect lips. "Cherries."_

_I pressed my face into his shoulder and laughed against him. "Now _that _might've qualified as mauling."_

_Edward's responding laugh vibrated through his body and mine. "I'd say I'm sorry, but..."_

_I pulled back and looked into his eyes. It was too dark to tell if they were blue or green at the moment. "I'm not."_

_His bright smile made my insides liquefy. "Good."_

_My smile had never faded. "Good."_

* * *

"Good. Good. Good. Good," Lily continued to chant as she shimmied in her chair and ate her hot fudge sundae with mint chocolate chip ice cream. It was her favorite treat, and I'd wanted to do something special for her. She'd been such a trooper.

She was so focused on the dessert in front of her, she hadn't noticed my eyes glaze over for a moment with the memory of Edward's and my first kiss. I'd never been kissed so fully and intensely, and I never had again after my summer with Edward ended.

It was technically against the rules for male and female counselors to "fraternize", so after that night, Edward and I had to do a lot of sneaking around to make out. It was the most fun and thrilling time I'd had in my whole life—the smirky, knowing glances, Edward pulling me behind thick trees so he could steal a kiss, fingers brushing against each other's whenever we were close enough. Mike had tried to rat us out a few times, but we always denied everything.

_Ugh. Mike._

After I moved to Forks, I'd ended up running into him a few times. I always ignored his snide or inappropriate comments and retreated quickly. Then after Lily was born, I'd had to take a part-time job at Newton's Outfitters because there was absolutely nothing else available at the time. Edward _hated_ that I was working for Mike, but thankfully, since finding out that Charlie was in fact my dad, he'd backed off and treated me just like any other employee, which… still wasn't that great. He got away with a lot, being the boss and the owners' son.

"I'm done, Mommy!"

"Oh." Dropping my spoon into the cup of mostly melted ice cream in front of me, I shook myself out of my memories. "Okay, sweetie. Here." I handed her a wet wipe, and she swiped it over her mouth, not getting much of the chocolate off. Chuckling, I took the wipe and finished the job.

"Where are we going now?"

"I think back home now. It's getting late."

I'd kept Lily out of the apartment for a few hours, hanging out at Pike Place Market for a bit, then shopping, dinner, and dessert, because Edward said Kate wanted to come home and talk with him.

It had been almost two weeks since their last big talk, and things had been awkward between Edward and me. I still felt so guilty about the whole situation, and I just didn't know how to act around him.

He seemed to be struggling with a similar issue. I still ended up on the couch most nights, and we'd dance around each other without making much eye contact in the mornings, getting coffee and pouring bowls of cereal. He'd go to work, I'd take Lily to day camp and then head to work at the Mathematics Research Library on campus, and in the evenings, our awkward dance would pick back up where it left off.

It was exhausting. I hoped something would give eventually because I didn't think I could take a whole year of it.

When we walked into the apartment, it was mostly dark and quiet, so I assumed Edward was still gone. Any fleeting hope I had that they weren't reconciling died, and I knew I needed to lock away the feelings that had been resurfacing the past couple of weeks.

We rounded the corner to the dining room, and I stopped abruptly, causing Lily to run into me. "Ow, mama. What—"

"Shh, Lil. Can you go on into your room for Mommy?"

She peeked around me and saw the same thing I saw. "But—"

"No buts, Lily Grace," I whispered to her, bending down to her level. "Go on. I'll be there in a little bit. Why don't you look at your new books while I talk to Daddy?"

"Okay, Mommy." She was upset but thankfully complied, hauling her bag from the bookstore with her.

Stepping over to the dining table, I lightly rested my hand on Edward's back. He didn't move. He was slumped over with his head buried in his arms, and I wasn't sure what to say. My knee-jerk reaction was to ask if he was okay, but it was obvious he wasn't. Instead, I went with, "Do you wanna talk about it?"

Edward shifted slightly, not uttering a word, and lifted one of his hands up, keeping his head down. Only his pinky pointed up toward the ceiling with Kate's engagement ring resting at the base, the large diamond sparkling in the soft light of the room.

"I'm so sorry, Edward."

I wanted to rub his back or run my fingers up through his hair, but yeah… inappropriate, given the fact he was mourning the end of his engagement.

"It's…" He heaved a big sigh and lifted his head. "It was only a matter of time. It's just… To actually have the ring back… I don't know." He shook his head and took the ring off his pinky, placing it on the table in front of him.

"You were together a long time."

"Yeah," he breathed out. "But I don't even think I'm sad about the right things, which… is a sign this is for the best, I guess."

I didn't ask what he was sad about. I didn't think I could stomach him saying he'd miss the sex or something like that.

Suppressing a small shudder, I let my hand fall away from his back, and I sat in the chair across from him.

"She took all her stuff. Or most of it, anyway." He gestured toward the kitchen. "I think some of the cooking stuff is hers, but she said she'd just leave it."

"None of the furniture was hers?"

"Well, we bought a lot of it together, but she didn't want any of it. She's talking about moving to New York to live with her cousin, Tanya, for a while."

I nodded, and we were silent for a few minutes. Neither of us seemed to know what else to say.

Edward spun the ring around a few times, seemingly lost in thought. About the fourth time he did it, the ring somehow got away from him and came flying at me, hitting me square in the mouth.

"Ow. Fuck."

"Oh, shit, Bella. I'm sorry." He jumped up and came over to me. "You okay?"

"I think so." I pulled my hand away from my lip. There was a small smear of blood on it, but it wasn't too bad. I eyed the ring, which was now laying on the floor by the baseboard. "That's a huge fucking rock. Jesus." My eyes widened and swung to Edward. "I mean… I didn't mean… Shit. Sorry."

My tendency to stick my foot in my mouth was nothing new, and he laughed lightly. It warmed me to hear it after all the awkwardness that had been plaguing us lately. "Yeah, it is. Too bad I won't get back what I paid for it." He moved closer. "Here. Let me see." His hands took hold of my face briefly so he could tilt it toward him, and a hot flush came over me as my skin tingled where he'd touched me. My eyes roamed his beautiful features as he inspected my lip. All the lines of his face were so much sharper now than they were back when we were stealing kisses behind trees. I hadn't had much opportunity since then to just stare at him.

I sucked in a breath when his thumb suddenly landed on my lip.

It was barely a touch—just a whisper, but it was there. His eyes locked on mine, and his lips parted, but otherwise, he didn't move. The spot where his thumb rested was radiating heat, and I was more than a little tempted to let my tongue peek out and touch it.

"Edward..."

"I'm sorry," he said, shaking his head and removing his welcome touch. "It doesn't look too bad. Just a little scrape."

I nodded choppily. "O—okay. Um, thanks."

"Yep." My heart somersaulted as he backed away from me. "I'll uh… I'm gonna go talk with Lily and let her know what's going on." He shoved his hands into his pockets and wouldn't really look at me.

"All right. I'm here if you want to talk about it any more."

His eyes reconnected with mine, and one side of his mouth lifted slightly. "Thanks, Bella. You're a great friend."

Swallowing, I nodded and offered him a tight-lipped smile.

_A great friend._

Even though Kate was no longer in the picture, it was time for me to accept once again that that was all I'd ever be to him.

* * *

**Thank you so much for reading! xoxo**


	8. Guilt

**Okay. *wipes brow* I think I replied to everyone who ****had PMs turned on and **didn't review anonymously. Thank you all SO much for giving me your thoughts! Thank you to everyone who reads. :)

**Huge thanks to Katie Boberg, Sophiacorgi, KniNut, Hadley Hemingway, and Lellabeth. Huge, huge, huge!**

**SM owns all things Twilight. Everything else is mine, including any mistakes. **

**If you're not a fan of UST, this might not be the story for you. My Twilly LOVES it. Fair warning. **

* * *

**Chapter 8 - Guilt**

"You didn't even give me your grandmother's ring, Edward. Don't you think that's a sign that things were already going wrong, even when you were planning to propose to me?"

I wasn't exactly sure what to expect when Kate had said she wanted to come to the apartment and talk again. We'd had minimal contact over the past couple of weeks while we were supposed to be contemplating the fate of our relationship.

Considering she was busy packing more of her stuff, it was clear her mind was already made up.

I knew deep down that mine was as well, but it was still hard for me to accept failure at something that was such a huge part of my life.

"I showed it to you when we were in high school, and you said it was way too small. I didn't think you fucking wanted it. I'm not a mind-reader, Kate. _Fuck_." I sank my hands into my hair in frustration.

She sighed. "I was young and stupid. It doesn't matter now, I guess. I'm sorry. Just being here is irritating me." She dropped more books into a large box and then moved to wrap up some candleholders of hers. "Have you fucked her yet?"

Shocked, I snapped my head in her direction. "No! What the fuck, Kate?"

She shrugged and went back to her wrapping. "Well, nothing's stopping you now. Not even your sometimes misplaced sense of loyalty."

"What the hell is that supposed to mean?"

"It means…" She exhaled a long breath and turned to look at me with sincerity in her light blue eyes. "You don't have to be with me out of obligation or complacency or whatever it was that was keeping us together anymore. If you want Bella, go for it. We should've realized a long time ago that we would never work." She looked down at the wrapped frame in her hands. "I know now that I was clinging to you for the wrong reasons, but… It's hard to let you go." Her gaze came back to my face, and her lips curved upward into a hint of a smile. "You're a good guy, Edward. I don't want you to carry guilt about this too. God knows you don't need any more guilt."

"Kate…" I stood and stepped closer to her, wondering if I was still allowed to touch her.

"It's okay. Really. I've cried my tears, and it's time for me to move on. And you too," she said with a real smile, placing her hand on my chest. "Friends?"

I smiled back at her before pulling her into a hug. "Always."

"Good. Friends help friends pack, right?"

Barking out a laugh, I released her. "Right."

* * *

Once Kate was gone, and we were officially done, the sense of relief that was mixed in with all the other emotions swirling around in me took me by surprise.

Was I actually relieved that I wouldn't be marrying her?

In a way, I guess I was. We'd been together for so long that when I proposed, it was mainly because I felt like _not_ proposing was no longer an option. We'd gone out with some of her friends one night, and they kept making comments about how they couldn't believe we weren't married yet.

Kate had seemed depressed the rest of that evening, and I could never stand seeing her like that. So the next day, I bought the ring.

My twin sister would have been ecstatic, and the huge smile I imagined gracing her face was part of what propelled me.

Elizabeth had been best friends with Kate growing up. They were like sisters, and Lizzy always wanted Kate and me to get together. She'd talk about our future wedding like it was a given and said we'd make the cutest babies in the history of babies. "They'll call me Auntie Liz," she'd say, but Kate and I always just laughed it off.

When she passed away in the middle of our sophomore year in high school after being diagnosed with a rare and aggressive form of lymphoma, Kate and I were obviously devastated. We comforted and leaned on each other, which led to us trying out a relationship, if for no other reason than to fulfill the wish of the vibrant girl we both loved.

We only made it a few months before breaking up the first time, but we kept trying, kept gluing the pieces of our relationship back together.

A couple of months before I left for camp the year I met Bella, Kate and I had our biggest blow-up to date—tears and screaming, slamming doors and screeching tires. We'd gone almost a year with no break-ups at that point, but it felt like it would be our last. I didn't think we'd ever recover from that one.

Just before I got back from camp that year, both of Kate's parents were killed in a car accident. She was understandably a mess, and I did everything I could to comfort her when I found out upon returning home. After we lost Lizzy, she'd never developed a close relationship with anyone else besides me. I knew I was all she had left in the world besides an aunt, uncle, and cousin she barely knew at the time.

We'd settled back in to what was comfortable, but we treated each other mostly as friends at first. She was grieving the loss of her parents, and I was still trying my damnedest to get over Bella. I'd been honest with Kate about what had happened between Bella and me, so I knew that was part of her hesitation as well.

Bella and I had decided not to keep in contact after camp was over because we thought it would be easier for each of us to move on that way. She was already enrolled at ASU for the upcoming fall, and I was entering my sophomore year at UDub. But she was still on my mind more than I cared to admit.

Kate and I had been back together for close to three months and were doing pretty well when we got the phone call that would forever change our lives.

_My classes were done for the day, and it was Friday, so I cracked open a beer almost as soon as I walked into my dorm room. It was celebratory in a way too because my stinky-ass roommate was gone for the weekend, and Kate was staying over. When my cell vibrated in my pocket, I assumed it was her and answered without looking at the screen. "Hey, babe."_

"_Um… E—Edward?"_

_I'd been leaning back in my desk chair, and it came down with a loud thump as my brow furrowed at the familiar husky voice. My heart took off like it was in a race against time, and I lost my breath. "Bella?"_

"_Hey. Uh… How are you?"_

_Several words came to mind: stunned, nervous, confused... _happy_. None of those seemed like an appropriate response. "I'm doing okay. How are you?"_

"_Well…" The word stretched and curled up at the end, like she was fighting tears, and I cradled my forehead in my hand, hoping she was okay. "I've been better," she murmured after a moment._

"_What's wrong?" I knew she hated her mom's boyfriend, and if he'd done something to hurt her… _

_I didn't ask how she got my number or why she was calling me. I didn't care at that moment. I just wanted to fix her problem, whatever it was. _

_Turned out, that was impossible._

"_I'm…" She sniffled. _

Shit. Definitely crying.

"_I'm pregnant," she finally said. "And it's yours."_

_The last thing I remembered was the phone slipping from my fingers and clattering to the floor before I woke up with Kate hovering above me, asking me to tell her how many fingers she was holding up. _

"_Bella's pregnant."_

"_Four. Four fingers. And… _what?" _She helped me up, and we sat on the edge of my bed._

"_Bella. From camp. She's pregnant, Kate." I dropped my face into my hands. "Oh, God. This can't be happening." Realization crept in, and I bolted up from the bed, making Kate gasp at the sudden movement. "She thinks I hung up on her. Shit. Where's my phone?"_

"_Here." Kate handed it to me._

_I found the last number that had called me and hit send. _

"_Edward?"_

"_I'm so sorry. I think I passed out or something. Are you okay? I didn't hang up on you on purpose. I'm not mad or anything. I mean, I'm a little freaked out, but I think that's normal. Right? Shit, I bet you're freaked out too. Have you been to the doctor? Are you taking prenatal vitamins?"_

_Bella sniffled, but then her sweet giggle floated through the phone, and I stopped my pacing as an unexpected grin took over my face. _

_Kate stood and walked to the door. "Call me later."_

"_Babe, wait."_

_She shook her head, facing away from me with her hand resting on the door knob. "No. It's okay. Just… Do what you need to do, and call me later." She left without looking back._

"_Everything okay?" Bella asked._

_I realized I'd been silently staring at the door for about a minute, and her voice snapped me out of it. "Yeah. Sorry. Um… That was Kate."_

"_Kate, as in…"_

_I palmed the back of my neck, feeling where the heat was creeping its way up. "Yes. I'm… We're back together."_

"_Oh."_

"_Yeah, it's—"_

"_No, you don't have to explain, Edward. I'm okay. I'm… gonna keep the baby."_

_It hadn't even occurred to me that she wouldn't. "Oh, God. I hope so. When did you find out? I mean, it's almost Thanksgiving."_

"_Well, I was on that pill where you only have a few… periods—" She whispered the word, and I found her shyness so familiar and endearing. "—each year, so I didn't know right away. And then I had to track you down. I didn't have much luck until I got a hold of Mrs. Cope. It took some convincing, but she gave me the cell number you had listed on the camp paperwork."_

"_Good. That's good. I'm glad you called."_

_When she spoke again, her voice shook. "I think it was the antibiotics the camp nurse put me on when I started getting bronchitis. I'm so sorry, Edward. I didn't realize—"_

"_Shh, hey. It's okay." I stopped pacing and ran a hand through my hair, clutching at it. I hated hearing her so upset. "We'll figure it out together, okay?" _

After a lot of discussion, Bella eventually decided to move to her dad's house in Forks after completing her fall semester at ASU. I couldn't even explain to her how grateful I was that she'd moved to Washington so I could be involved in Lily's life. I knew she wasn't exactly happy living with her mom, but it was still a big sacrifice for her to move so far from where she'd grown up.

There was definitely a part of me that had wanted to try to be with her and raise our child together as a family, but I couldn't just say, "Sorry, Kate. This chick's having my baby, so… see ya." Kate needed me, and Bella seemed to have become this fiercely independent woman overnight. She told me from the get-go that she would be just fine. She didn't want anything from me but for me to be a good father to Lily, which I was happy to do.

That little girl was the best thing to ever happen to me.

Standing in her doorway, I smiled, watching her snuggle happily with her new Olivia the Pig.

Before tucking her in, I'd explained what was happening with Kate. It said a lot that she wasn't even very sad about Kate being gone, and it only compounded the guilt that seemed to permanently reside in my midsection. I was actually planning to marry someone who wasn't even close to my daughter. It became clear to me then that I'd been a spectator in my own life, just standing by and letting things happen for far too long.

It saddened me, but Lily made me chuckle when she said the times she'd seen Kate and me kiss were "gross". And then I had a minor heart attack when she asked if I'd be kissing Mommy now.

"Good night, Lily," I'd said, avoiding the answer. I had to admit to a pang of longing at the mention of kissing Bella, though. Touching her plump bottom lip earlier was inappropriate, to say the least, and would likely only perpetuate the awkwardness between us. But being so close to her and having an excuse, albeit a flimsy one… I just couldn't resist.

The guilt churned in my stomach again.

I knew Bella only saw me as a friend and had for a long time. Not to mention my engagement had just ended. I needed time to process. I shouldn't have been thinking about kissing Bella. Or touching her. Or doing anything… _else _with her_._

Turning to go down the hall, I stopped short as Bella emerged from the bathroom in a cloud of steam, clad only in a small blue towel.

"Ah, shit," I said, covering my eyes with my hand. Seeing her like that was _not_ helping to clear out the thoughts I'd just been having about her.

"I'm sorry. My pajamas are in there, and I didn't want to interrupt. I'm… sorry," she repeated in a whisper.

"It's okay," I said, lowering my hand but keeping my eyes averted. "She's almost asleep, so…"

"Okay, thanks. I'll just…" She pointed past me toward Lily's door. "Yeah." She skirted by me, and our bodies touched for the briefest of seconds. "'Night."

"'Night."

After shutting my bedroom door behind me, I leaned against it and palmed my suddenly-rock-hard dick with a groan.

It was official. I was completely and utterly fucked.

* * *

**Thank you so much for reading! xoxo**


	9. Shower

**Thank you all so very much for giving me your thoughts on the last chapter! Some asked what UST is, and it's unresolved sexual tension. Makes it that much sweeter when it finally gets resolved... right? ;)**

**My eternal thanks go to Lellabeth, Hadley Hemingway, Sophiacorgi, and KniNut for working so hard on these chapters for me. **

**SM owns all things Twilight. Everything else is mine, including any mistakes.**

* * *

**Chapter 9 - Shower**

**BPOV**

Pausing outside Lily's door, I watched Edward walk stiffly down the hall and through his bedroom door. There was a thud against it after he closed it, like he banged his head against it, and I shook my head before going into Lily's room.

I was in the bathroom a good thirty minutes, and it was pretty late, so I thought for sure he'd be finished and in his room by the time I came out. Even so… I couldn't understand his reaction. All my important parts were covered. What was with him shielding his eyes like he'd caught me on the toilet or something?

I had to admit I was a little hurt.

I guessed the awkwardness between us would be rolling along right on schedule.

Sighing, I dressed quietly in Lily's room, thinking it would be so nice to go back to the way things were the first couple of days after we moved in. It seemed like ever since our talk after he first came home from seeing Kate, we just couldn't figure out how to _be_ around each other.

Maybe I just needed to talk to him and figure this shit out. Because seriously. Almost a year of this would kill me.

Lily had already fallen asleep, so I decided to forego lying down with her and dragged my tired ass on out to the living room. The couch wasn't too bad, but I definitely felt a bit out of place sleeping in a common area of the apartment.

I lay down on the couch and squeezed my eyes shut. Edward's shower was running in his en suite bathroom, and the images that popped into my head of him dripping wet pissed me off.

All that beautiful skin…

I punched my pillow several times before slamming my head down onto it.

I needed to get laid. Like, yesterday.

Riley was always good for some fun, so I resolved to call him the next day and set something up.

* * *

The next morning, I woke up to extremely loud banging in the kitchen. Still groggy, I sat up on the couch and tried to smooth down my hair. Looking down, I noticed the blanket was mostly on the floor; just the bottom part was hooked on my feet.

Wrapping the blanket around myself, I shuffled into the kitchen.

Edward was gathering ingredients for Sunday pancakes with bunched shoulders and flared nostrils.

"Uh… Everything okay?"

"Daddy's grumpy," Lily whispered.

"I see that."

He stopped and braced his hands on the edge of the counter before swinging his irate face in my direction. "Do you think you could wear something a little less revealing when you're sleeping out in the open for everyone to see?"

My neck jerked back in reaction to his hostile tone. "Revealing? A tank top and shorts?" I opened my blanket without thinking and looked down at myself.

Edward groaned and looked away. "Jesus," he muttered.

_What the fuck?_

"Sorry. God, you don't have to be such a jerk." I pulled the blanket closed again, almost violently. "I've always slept in this kind of thing. My body produces a lot of heat when I'm sleeping, and I can't—"

"Enough!" he yelled before storming past me and disappearing into his room.

Lily and I just blinked at each other for a moment, her sweet face scrunched with worry.

I was irritated as hell, having my clothing critiqued after I'd just woken up. What the hell was his problem? Did he think I was setting a bad example for Lily or something?

My cheeks heated at the thought that Edward felt I was doing something wrong as a mom. I wanted him to be proud of the way I raised our daughter.

It could've just been some misplaced anger over the situation with Kate, I guess. It sucked that he was taking it out on me, but I figured I should cut him some slack after basically sending his life into upheaval.

Letting out a sigh, I tossed my blanket over the back of one of the dining chairs and stepped into the kitchen, where Lily was still sitting on the counter. "Did you sleep well, baby?"

"Yeah." She fidgeted and stuck her thumb in her mouth for the briefest of seconds. We'd broken her of the habit years ago, but it was kind of an auto-response when she was stressed. "Is Daddy okay?"

"I don't—" I cocked my head at the sound of Edward's shower starting up. He'd just taken one late last night. And I knew he didn't run on Sundays.

_Huh._

Looking down at myself again, I noticed the way my nipples were poking against the fabric of my top. This was one of my older shirts, so it was a little more snug in the chest area. I'd grown after having Lily.

I shook my head at myself and where my thoughts were leading.

It didn't make sense for him to be that pissed off about a pair of boobs. And he hadn't looked at me in a sexual way in a long time. I was just Lily's mom and his friend. That was it.

Still, it would probably be best if I changed before he came back out.

After throwing on a bra, t-shirt, and jeans, I took over mixing up the pancakes since Edward still hadn't gotten out of the shower.

As I poured batter onto the griddle and Lily chattered about her friends at day camp, my mind began to wander back to a time when Edward _had_ looked at me that way…

"_Oh, my _God_. What are you doing to me?" I asked, body tense, with handfuls of grass bunched in my fists. Surrounded by huge trees, fragrant flowers, and gorgeous boy, I was lying at the edge of the meadow with my shirt bunched up to my neck. _

_Edward had my pink bra cups pulled down and was sucking on one nipple while rolling the other between his lithe fingers. "Shhh. Does it feel good?"_

"_Yes," I breathed out. "So good."_

_It seemed as though my nipples were suddenly in direct communication with the ache between my legs, intensifying it with every lick, suck, and tug. _

"_Mmmm."_

"_You gotta be quiet, Bell." _

_I loved it when he called me Bell. "I'm trying. But God."_

"_I know," he panted against my skin. "I fucking love your tits. You're _so _hot."_

_I scoffed, but he ignored me, switching breasts and trailing his free hand down my stomach to the waistband of my shorts. _

_Our campers were playing softball not too far from the clearing. We'd snuck off as soon as we could without being detected—something we'd become pretty good at in the last several weeks. _

_Sometimes we'd just sit and talk, getting to know each other better. I found out he enjoyed cooking, something he grew up doing with his mother, who was a chef at the restaurant his parents owned in Seattle. I told him I wanted to be a middle school math teacher, and he thought that was "weird but kind of cool". He told me he'd never been with anyone besides Kate, and I relayed my totally cliché and awful story of losing my virginity on prom night to a guy who absolutely didn't deserve it. _

_Sometimes we just kissed and laughed and made fun of each other. _

_And sometimes… things got a little more... _heated.

_Edward fingered the button on my shorts, and I whimpered. _

"_Mmm," he hummed against my skin. "As much as I want to undress you completely, it's probably not a good idea out here."_

_My eyes were shut, and my chest was heaving. I seemed to always be on the verge of combusting when I was with Edward. I let out a whine of protest. "But…"_

"_Shhh. I'll take care of you." His hand dropped to my left knee, cupping behind it and pulling, opening me up to him. He covered my body with his as his warm fingers trailed up the inside of my thigh. The leg-holes of my shorts weren't super tight, so he was able to reach my panties and move them to the side. _

"_Ungh." _

_Edward clamped his other hand over my mouth as he slipped a finger inside me. "Shh, baby, please." He slid it slowly in and out, stoking the fire that was spreading through me, eventually adding a second finger and filling me up perfectly. _

_He was having a hard time keeping his hand on my mouth with the way I was shaking my head back and forth. "So good. So good," I said, muffled against his palm. _

_My right leg seemed to develop a mind of its own, and I was suddenly spread wide open for him. He pushed his hard length against the inside of my right thigh as his fingers slid in, slid out, curled up, massaged. He stroked me in time with every flex of his hips until I fell apart beneath him with a loud moan into his hand._

_Edward left his fingers inside me and shifted them just slightly so I could keep enjoying my aftershocks. He was thrusting against me steadily by then, and I wanted to touch him so badly. He hadn't let me yet. He kept saying he'd explode if I did._

_Before he could gather his wits enough to protest, I had his shorts undone and my hand inside and wrapped around his hot length. _

"_Shit, Bella," he choked out. "Stop."_

"_No." I stroked him, spreading the moisture leaking out of his tip to help lubricate my hand. _

_He groaned, dropping his head to my shoulder. He let me continue for a few moments before he covered my hand with his own. "Please. I don't wanna come all over myself out here."_

_Nervousness skittered down my limbs. I'd never done what I was about to propose, but I didn't want to stop, and I didn't want him to run to Lee's house to finish the job. "What if I… swallowed it?"_

_Edward's head jerked up, and I just knew my cheeks were ten shades of fuchsia. _

"_Bella…" He looked at me with intense eyes. Green today. "You'd do that?"_

_Still nervous and embarrassed but not about to back down, I gave him another long stroke, and his eyes rolled back as he let out a heated breath onto my face. "Yes." Bringing him this kind of pleasure made me feel powerful, and I had to see what he looked like when he came. _

_As it turned out, I didn't get to see what he looked like when he came, but the way he gripped my hair and moaned my name was enough for me to know exactly what I did to him. _

"_Oh, God. I'm sorry, Bell," he said as he smoothed down my hair where he'd grabbed it. _

"_It's okay."_

"_No, it's not. Fuck. I shouldn't have been so rough with you." He grabbed at his own hair and glared at the ground. The way his jaw clenched made parts of _me _clench. "I've never done that before. I don't know what came over me."_

"_Well…" I moved closer to him, pulling his hand out of his hair and threading our fingers together. Standing on my tiptoes, I kissed his neck and whispered, "I'd say you liked it." I smiled against his skin, suddenly feeling shy again, but then he locked his arm around my waist and pulled me harder against him._

"_Liked it? Jesus. You just about killed me." His kiss scorched my body all the way down to my toes. "We'd better get back before I lose my mind completely and have you naked and up against our tree in the next five seconds."_

_My mouth dropped open, and an intense shiver rolled through me. "But…" The thought of doing _that _up against the tree where he'd carved our initials was enough to make my toes curl. _

_He chuckled at me. "C'mon, Bell. We already decided we shouldn't have sex."_

"_But we're just stupid teenagers. What do _we _know?"_

_Edward rubbed his chin in mock-deep thought. "Hmm. This is true. We may need to revisit that discussion." He tugged on my hand, throwing a teasing wink at me. "Now, let's go before we get into trouble… or, y'know, more trouble than we're already in," he finished with a sly smirk._

"_Trouble is right," I muttered under my breath. _

* * *

I was almost finished with the pancakes by the time Edward stepped back into the kitchen with wet hair and a scowl on his face.

He was so hot when he was angry.

_Shit._

That, combined with my mind's little stroll down memory lane, had me squirming where I stood. "Um… You guys go ahead and start eating." As nonchalantly as possible, I stacked the last pancake onto the plate and wiped my hands. "I need to go take a shower."

Edward side-eyed me as I walked past him, and I hurried to take care of business, returning to the table with wet hair and relaxed shoulders.

_Thank God for detachable showerheads. _

Breakfast was mostly quiet. They were almost finished when I got to the table. I rolled my eyes at the smug look on Edward's face when Lily informed me that I didn't make the pancakes "as good as Daddy."

He's lucky I didn't sling a syrup-covered banana slice at him.

"Do you know if you're working late any nights this week?" I asked Edward as I brought my plate into the kitchen for him to load into the dishwasher.

"Um… I have a client dinner Thursday night." He loaded a couple plates and then turned to look at me, wiping his hands on a dish towel. "Why?"

"Oh, I'm going out with a friend and wanted to check which nights might work."

"Ah." He went back to rinsing dishes and loading them into the rack. "Angela?" he asked without looking at me.

I cleared my throat. "No."

Offering up any more information wasn't something I felt was necessary, but it was pretty clear by the set of Edward's jaw that he figured out what I wasn't saying.

"Problem?" I asked.

He slammed the dishwasher door shut and punched the button before walking past me with a curt, "No."

I turned and stared at his back as he retreated—something I seemed to be doing a lot lately.

He was angry, no doubt about that. But about what? My hooking up with Riley? Doubtful. He knew of Riley, so it shouldn't have come as a surprise.

Was I baiting him with my question?

Did I _want_ him to have a problem with it?

As I stood in the kitchen, staring at my blurry reflection in the stainless steel refrigerator, I had to answer myself honestly…

Yes.

_Fuck._

Yes, I did.

* * *

**Thank you so much for reading! xo**


	10. Taste

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**Hadley Hemingway, KniNut, Lellabeth, and Sophiacorgi: You guys rock so much. THANK YOU!**

**SM owns all things Twilight. Everything else is mine, including any mistakes.**

* * *

**Chapter 10 - Taste**

**EPOV**

At work on Tuesday, I was irritable, to say the least. I'd snapped at my poor assistant so many times, she resembled a nervous Chihuahua every time I called her in to my office. I was seriously starting to worry she might pee right there on the floor.

Pushing my fingers into my closed eyes, I leaned back in my desk chair. "I'm sorry, Charlotte. It's just been…" I released a heavy breath through pursed lips. "...a rough couple of weeks."

"It's okay, M—Mr. Cullen. Sir," she added before scurrying away.

I'd have to buy her lunch soon or something. Poor girl.

Tonight was Bella's date with Riley, but that was only adding to the shittiness that was this day. My boss was riding my ass about this new account he wanted me to land, I'd just found out one of my co-workers was also going after that same account, _and_ I'd spilled coffee down the front of my shirt before I'd even walked into the building this morning.

I was so done. I just wanted to crawl into bed and hide for the next twelve hours or so.

When I finally got home, Lily jumped up from the couch and ran over to hug me. It might've been the first time I'd smiled all day.

She'd had that effect on me since the moment she was born, spreading calm through me like a soothing balm.

"Hey, Lily-bug. Did you have a good day at camp?"

My smile widened at the way her eyes lit up. "Yes! Ella gave me her chocolate pudding at lunch because I gave her my cookie yesterday," she said in a serious voice like it was a legitimate business transaction. I chuckled and loosened my tie as she continued. "And then Mikey played house with me, and—"

"Mikey, huh?" I crossed my arms over my chest. Okay, I was little biased against guys with that name. Sue me.

She prattled on as we walked through the living room together, and I felt my shoulders relax, my smile never fading.

I loved being able to come home to see Lily every day like this. Before, I'd always missed her so damn much in between visitations, I actually got teary-eyed sometimes. Once they'd moved up here from Forks, Bella let me spend extra time with her whenever I'd asked, but even so, I didn't know how I was going to go back to the way things were once Bella finished school and they moved out.

"Oh, hey. You're home." Bella appeared in the archway of the hall in a skin-tight purple dress, hopping on one leg and slipping her second heel on.

I gulped. Loudly.

"You look pretty, Mommy," Lily said from beside me.

Bella smiled. "Thanks, baby."

"Yeah, um…" I brought my fist up to my mouth and cleared my throat. "You look… Yeah. Pretty."

Bella looked down at herself and uttered another quiet thanks before stuffing some things into a small purse. Her cheeks were pink as she came over to where Lily and I were standing, glancing at me briefly with a shy smile.

_Oh, my God_. She smelled heavenly, and my fucking cock was being an asshole and not following my instructions to _stand_ _down_.

"I'm just gonna go… change. Uh, have good night."

_Why did I say that?_ I didn't want her to have a good night.

Yes, I did. She wasn't mine. She hadn't been for a very long time. Why was I turning into a caveman all of a sudden over her?

Again…

_"__Dude, second term's over in a couple weeks. You gonna hit that or what?"_

_"__Pssh. Of course I am. Every girl at Camp _Want-a-snatch_ is just dying for a piece o' Newton." _

_I rolled my eyes at Mike's nickname for our camp and his delusional cockiness. He and Tyler couldn't see me, but I could hear their conversation loud and clear from inside the canteen building, where I was stapling end-of-term Talent Show flyers to the wall. _

_"__Nice. And you just _know_ she's a virgin, all sweet and so fucking tight."_

_Ugh. Crowley. He was almost as much of a pig as Mike. They always sat behind this building to smoke. Maybe it was time I ratted them out for that shit._

_"__Dude. Yes. That ass is just _begging_ to be tapped."_

_"__What's up with her and Cullen, though?" _

_Every muscle in my body locked into place where I stood, my arm raised high with a flyer hanging from my hand. Were they talking about _**Bella**?

_"__Pffft. Nothing. I made sure she knew he had a girlfriend. She's been giving me _'the look'_ ever since then. She wants the D. Bad." They both laughed, and it made my skin crawl. "I'm gonna make her wait a little longer, though. I want her to beg for it. _Oh, Mike. Please let me suck your cock,_" he said in a high-pitched voice. "_Please fuck me, Mike._"_

_I still hadn't moved, but the adrenaline was rushing through my veins, every muscle poised to strike. _

_Tyler laughed obnoxiously again. "Tear that ass _**up, **_bruh."_

_Having heard so much more than enough, I flew out the side door, making them both jump in surprise. Mike flicked his lit cigarette into the woods in a panic. He was damn lucky everything was still wet from the rain we'd had that morning._

_They stared at me, wide-eyed, and I glared back, nostrils flared and shoulders twitching, not quite sure what to say. I didn't really want to _**say **_anything. I wanted to beat the ever-loving shit out of them._

_"__She's mine," I finally said in a low, threatening voice. Even though I had no true claim on her, it felt fucking good to say it. Especially to these assholes. _

_Mike's eyebrows lifted in disbelief. "Who? Bella? D'you tattoo your name on her ass or something?"_

_"__Fuck you, Mike. You stay the _**fuck **_away from her," I replied through clenched teeth._

_"__Mm, nah. I don't think I will." _

_I took a menacing step toward him. "Yes, you fucking will, or I'll announce over the P.A. that you wet your bunk every single night you were here… what was that?" I cocked my head. "Just five years ago?"_

_Mike's eyes widened as Tyler bent over in hysterics. "Shut the fuck up, dude," Mike said to him, smacking him on the arm. _

_"__And if that won't do it, I will _happily_ pound your scrawny ass into the ground." I may not have looked it, but I was solid muscle. I'd been in competitive swimming for years. _

_Mike scoffed at me but took a step back when I stepped forward again. I balled my fists up tight at my sides a couple times, successfully crumpling the paper I'd still been holding. Mike's eyes darted between my arms, and then a fake, nervous laugh left his mouth. "Whatever, dude. I'll let you have that one. She's not even that hot anyway."_

_Was he fucking blind? _

_"__And I'm sure she gives lousy head," he added, laughing again when Tyler agreed._

_I don't know why I did it. But apparently I couldn't help myself. My smirk was seven different kinds of smug. "Actually, Mike," I said, stepping up close to him and leaning in, "she's fucking spectacular."_

_Both of their mouths dropped open just before I stalked back into the building, berating myself for talking about her like that. _

_He just got under my skin so bad. I fucking _hated_ that guy. Girls were just playthings to him, and it made me sick. _

_But then… what was I doing with Bella? I knew it was just a summer thing, so... was _I_ playing her? _

_She knew too, so I didn't think so. And it wasn't only about the physical with her. I was happy just _talking_ to her. I mean, I always wanted to have my hands and mouth on her too. But she was crazy-smart and so damn sweet. Her laugh made this warmth settle right into the middle of my chest, and just being around her made me happier than I could remember being in a long time. _

_I'd been happy with Kate once, but it wasn't quite the same, I'd noticed. _

_I didn't really know what that meant, but one thing I did know: I was going to miss that girl a fuck-ton when she had to go back to Phoenix. _

* * *

I'd always known Bella and I had a true connection that summer, but we pretty much squashed it in the years following. I'd been telling myself for all that time that she was off-limits, so all this attraction and jealousy was making me feel like I'd jumped back in time and I was nineteen all over again.

Eighteen-year-old Bella would've been smiling and blushing at me too, but she sure as hell wouldn't be doing it while heading out for a date with another guy.

My irritation flared again as I was changing clothes, and I wrenched my tie off, tossing it across the room before stripping out of my shirt and slacks. Slamming a couple drawers made me feel a little bit better, and I went back out to find Bella gone and Lily watching _Enchanted_ for the eight millionth time.

I sat next to her on the couch and ruffled her hair. "You really do love this movie, don't you, squirt?"

"Yes," she responded with a smile. "I like the princess dresses and the talking animals. And I like how they become a family at the end," she added quietly.

My heart squeezed at that, and I leaned back into the cushions, watching along for a few minutes.

"Were you ever sad before that Mommy and Daddy didn't live together?"

"Sometimes."

I laid my palm on her back. "I'm sorry, sweet girl. I think Daddy messed up."

She tore her eyes from the TV and turned to look at me then. "What do you mean, Daddy?"

How could I tell her that I'd stayed with Kate mostly out of guilt and obligation? That I was starting to realize I should have been with her mom the whole time instead?

I couldn't.

"Never mind. I'm just… I'm sorry it made you sad sometimes."

My sweet girl leaned over and hugged me. "It's okay, Daddy. Mommy said it didn't mean either one of you loved me any more. Wait, no." She looked up toward the ceiling and then, with a nod of her head, corrected herself. "Less."

Chuckling, I squeezed her to me. "Your mommy's very smart. I couldn't love you any more than I already do. It already fills me up, all the way to the top."

She leaned back. "All the way to here?" she asked, flattening her hand on the top of my head.

I nodded. "Yep. And all the way down to my toes and to the ends of my fingers."

"Wow," she said in wonder, inspecting my fingers.

I wiggled them, and she squealed, thinking I was about to tickle her. I squeezed her to me again instead and ran my hand down her hair. "I love you, Lily-bug."

"I love you too, Daddy."

"Did you eat dinner?"

"Yes."

"Okay, I'm gonna go heat something up. Be right back."

When I got back to the couch with my leftover lasagna, the end of the movie, where it shows the three main characters as a family, was playing. It made my heart thump against my ribs to think about Lily and Bella dancing around, smiling and laughing with another man in the scene.

Clearing my throat, I leaned forward. "Lily?"

"Yes, Daddy?"

"Do you, uh…" _Should I really ask her this?_ Probably not, but… "Do you think Mommy wants to play house with Riley?"

Her little brows furrowed, and she thought about it for a moment.

I held my breath while I waited for her answer.

Finally, she said, "No. She said he's just a friend. Kind of like Angela. I don't think she wants to play house with Angela either."

I laughed, somewhat relieved. "No. Probably not."

* * *

Around ten o'clock, I was on the couch watching Top Chef re-runs when the front door opened. It scared the shit out of me because I'd already begrudgingly accepted that I wouldn't see Bella again until the next morning… in that same damn sexy dress she was wearing when she left.

"Hey," she said, walking toward me barefooted, carrying her heels in her hand.

"Hey. You're home early." Sitting up, I winced. "Sorry. I didn't mean… I just wasn't expecting you. Sorry."

"It's okay," she said, plopping into the chair next to the couch. "Things didn't exactly go according to plan."

"Oh?"

She raised her eyebrows at me. "You really want to hear this?"

_No._

_Yes._

_No._

"Sure. Why not? Friends tell friends about their dates, right?"

Bella chuckled lightly, but it sounded more like disbelief than amusement. "Yeah, I guess so. Um… well, we went to dinner and then to a club for some dancing. He was uh, kind of all over me," she said without looking at me, "which is normal for us… I guess." She shifted uncomfortably as I balled my hands into fists at my sides. "It just felt… off, for some reason. When he asked me to go back to his place, I told him I wasn't feeling well and came home."

_Home._

"It pissed me off, to be honest," she continued, sighing and leaning back with her eyes closed. "I seriously need to get laid."

I choked on my saliva. "_Bella_, for Christ's _sake_."

She sat up and looked at me with fire in her eyes. "_What_?"

"What the hell are you trying to do to me, saying shit like that? Isn't it bad enough that you make sex noises when you eat my cooking," I said, gesticulating wildly, " and prance around here, wearing practically nothing all the damn time? _Jesus_." I angrily shoved a pillow over my crotch.

"First of all, I don't _prance_. And second, _I'm_ not trying to do anything to _you_, _Edward_. You said we're _friends_, and friends talk about 'shit like that'." Flopping backward again, she flung her arm over her face.

I narrowed my eyes at her. "Well, we _are_ friends. We have been for a long time. Why the hell do you sound pissed about that?"

She sighed. "I'm not _pissed_ about that. I… I just want…" She shook her head. "Fuck. Never mind." Growling in frustration, she stood and started to leave the room.

"Oh, no, you don't." I bolted up off the couch, snagging her by the arm and spinning her around. "What?" I asked, searching her face for any sign she could be feeling what I'd been feeling. "What do you want, Bella?"

"I…" Her eyes were still full of fire, and they pleaded with me to understand. What, I didn't know. But when they dipped down to my lips, that was all it took to send my tenuous self-control careening off a cliff.

I pulled her against me so hard, she grunted, before I wrapped my arms completely around her and molded my mouth over hers, groaning at the taste of her.

It'd been _so_. Fucking. Long.

Bella responded instantly, throwing her arms around my neck and whimpering into my mouth.

No words were spoken for several long minutes as we kissed each other desperately. Only hot breaths hit the air between us whenever our lips parted for the briefest of seconds before crashing back together again.

Her arms tightened around my neck as she pressed her body impossibly closer, and I slid one hand up into her hair, keeping the other arm locked around her waist, anchoring her to me.

I poured all my pent-up feelings for her into that kiss, everything I realized I'd been suppressing for years.

"Bella…" I uttered against her lips when we took a breath. "I…" I didn't know what to say, but I felt like I needed to say _something_.

"Shh. Don't ruin it," she said, nipping at my bottom lip.

"Yeah," I breathed, nodding. "Okay."

Our lips locked back together like magnetic puzzle pieces.

She'd just slid her hands into my hair, and I'd finally been brave enough to palm her ass when…

"Daddy?"

"_Fuck_," I whispered against Bella's lips.

Bella pushed me away and smoothed her dress down just before Lily appeared in the hall archway.

She was rubbing one eye. "Mommy?"

"Hi, baby. What's wrong?"

I wanted to go comfort Lily, but I still had a major problem that my pajama pants did nothing to hide. Sitting on the couch instead with the pillow on my lap again, I asked, "Did you have a bad dream?"

"No." Her hand went to her stomach. "My belly hurts."

_Oh, shit._

"Oh, sweetie," Bella said. "I'm sorry. I'll get you some crackers. Why don't you sit on the couch with Daddy?"

"Okay."

I smiled at her nervously as she snuggled into my side.

"Don't worry, Daddy. I won't tell Mommy about the ice cream you gave me before bed, just like you said. I pinky promised." She yawned. "Remember?"

_Double shit. _I'd still been trying to make up for the fact that I'd upset her so much Sunday morning with my stupid mood swing, even though we'd talked about it and she'd forgiven me. And she loved ice cream so much, and I was… screwed.

"Yeah, baby girl," I said with a sigh as Bella came back with crackers for Lily and a bitchbrow for me. "I remember."

* * *

**Thank you so much for reading! xoxo**


	11. Spoon

**Thank you all so much for reading and reviewing! It seriously means so much to me. I got a few replies out but not all. I'm sorry for that. In-laws were in town for almost a week, and I'm co-hosting a contest. **

**Speaking of which, voting is now open for the Texts From Last Night (TFLN) Contest. If you search for TFLN Twific Contest under 'writer' on ffn, it should come up. The entries are awesome!**

**Regarding last chapter: Thanks for not getting ****_too_**** mad at me or Lily, lol. I'm sure most of you know that children cockblock like it's their job, so… yeah. **

**Huge thanks to Sophiacorgi, KniNut, Twilly, Lellabeth, and Hadley Hemingway! I love you h00rs! **

**IMPORTANT: Remember when I said not all flashbacks will be in chronological order? Keep that in mind here. :)**

**SM owns all things Twilight. Everything else is mine, including any mistakes.**

* * *

**Chapter 11 - Spoon**

**EPOV**

I lingered in the living room for about thirty minutes after Bella took Lily back to her room, but Bella never came back out. When I went to check on them, they were sound asleep. Lily was wrapped around Bella much like _I_ wanted to be, and I had to admit I was actually a little jealous of my own daughter. I was glad Lily was able to get back to sleep, though. It was a sweet sight: my two girls all snuggled up together.

Realizing what I'd just thought, I shook my head. I couldn't let myself think of Bella as my girl again just because we'd kissed. Once. But _fuck_. It was so much more than a kiss to me, so much more than just wanting her the way I did. It felt so right to have her in my arms like that again. The pure fucking _need _I had for her overwhelmed me. I hadn't felt anything like that in years—not since I'd last had her lips against mine.

My eyes lingered on Bella's face a moment longer, hoping for a sign she might still be awake, before I shut their door as quietly as possible and went to my room.

I was disappointed to not be able to pick up where we'd left off, but it was probably better that things hadn't gone too far before we'd had a chance to talk. The question was, would we have stopped if Lily hadn't interrupted us?

Probably not. At least not if it was solely up to me. I was totally lost in that haze of lust with her.

I just had to hope that, come the next morning, we wouldn't be back to the painful awkwardness we'd been experiencing for the last few weeks.

It had mostly been my fault, since I couldn't seem to control the tidal wave of lust that hit me every time I saw Bella, especially in her barely-there sleep clothes. I was only twenty-five, but still… I felt like a teenager again, having to hide boners left and right.

Fucking ridiculous.

It wasn't just her body that drew me to her, though. Getting to know more and more the woman she'd become just floored me. I'd always known she was a good mother to Lily, but seeing them together all the time was amazing. Plain and simple, I was in awe of her. She'd had to grow up fast, yet I could still see that sweet, funny girl I'd met six years ago in her—the girl who'd sneak me extra dessert when she had KP duty, the girl who had me laughing until my sides hurt one minute and kissing her senseless the next.

She certainly wasn't as shy as she'd once been, however. The Bella I knew back at summer camp would have blushed and stammered when talking about sex.

In fact… she had.

_About three weeks after that first bonfire and our first kiss, Bella and I were once again walking toward the meadow, this time for the end-of-term bonfire. _

_No one else was on the trail, so our fingers were laced together, and her shoulder bumped against my arm as we walked. It felt good… right._

_There was a huge tree she loved just off the clearing, and once we reached it, we sat down, and she started picking at the grass and flowers around her. She seemed nervous and glanced up at me from under her eyelashes a few times. _

_"__You're being quiet. What's up?"_

_"__Nothing. It's not important."_

_Her wavy ponytail swished from side to side, and she moved her long legs to sit cross-legged, unintentionally giving me a great view of her hot pink panties through the leg-hole of her shorts. _

_God bless summer._

_I guess I stared a little too long because she was suddenly waving her hand in front of my face._

_"__What? Sorry."_

_"__Perv," she said, thankfully laughing but also bringing her legs back together._

_I'm almost positive I frowned before lifting my eyebrows and shrugging. "Guilty."_

_Bella laughed again and shoved at my shoulder with both hands, causing us both to lose our balance. I reached out and grabbed her as I fell backwards so that she'd land on top of me —to keep her from getting hurt. Not because I wanted to feel her boobs against me or anything. But since they happened to be smashed against my chest, I tightened my hold on her, deciding I really never wanted her to move._

_I kept her caged in my arms, and once our laughter died down, she just gazed at me, her hot breath washing over my lips. Her dark eyes drew me in once again, and I was sure I would drown in them. It was a feeling I realized I'd never experienced before meeting Bella._

_Without uttering a word, she reached down and threaded her fingers into my hair before planting the sexiest kiss in the history of kisses on my lips. _

_We'd been able to sneak kisses here and there before, but not like this one._

_Before long, I had her pinned underneath me and was grinding against her shamelessly._

_"__Shit," I breathed after releasing her swollen lips. "We should probably slow down. I'm sorry."_

_"__No. It's… I mean, I liked it." Her cheeks flooded with even more color than what was already there from our makeout session._

_"__Don't be embarrassed," I said, skimming the backs of my fingers down her cheek. _

_Bella closed her eyes, which I kind of hated. "I'm not sure what came over me," she said. "I'm not usually so…"_

_"__Hot?"_

_She laughed, reopening those gorgeous eyes and stunning me with them for about the millionth time. "Shut up."_

_I kissed her under her jaw, and she sighed. "Please don't be embarrassed," I said against the skin of her neck. "You're so fucking sexy."_

_Her short nails dug into my shoulders, and her legs tightened around my waist as I sucked her earlobe into my mouth. Her breathy moan made it impossible not to circle my hips against her one more time._

_"__I'm not a virgin," she blurted out._

_I pulled back. "O… kay."_

_"__I mean… Crap." Bella covered her face with her hands, and I moved to get off of her. "No. Wait." She clung to me tighter with her long limbs._

_"__It's okay," I said, disentangling myself from her. "I'm not going anywhere. It's just that people will be showing up soon, and I'd like for this, uh…" I pointed at my crotch. "... to be gone when they do."_

_She blushed adorably and averted her eyes. "Oh."_

How could she be so embarrassed about seeing a boner if she wasn't a virgin?

_"__You were saying?"_

_Bella side-eyed me and then dropped her gaze to her lap. "I've had... sex." She peeked at me briefly, and I did my best to keep my expression neutral. Hypocritical or not, I didn't like the idea of anyone else touching her. "But it wasn't…" she continued, eyes back on her legs. "It was nothing like what I just felt. It was… basically awful."_

_Taking a deep breath to stop the way my heart started hammering my ribs, I narrowed my eyes and balled my hands into fists. "Do I need to choke a motherfucker?"_

_Bella's startled eyes found my face then. "What? No." She shook her head. "Nothing like that. It was just… awkward. And not good. At least not for me."_

_My brows furrowed. I still didn't like that, but at least the murderous rage at thinking she'd been hurt was subsiding._

_"__Anyway, I just wanted you to know that you… well, I feel things with you that I've never felt before, even though I've had... sex," she whispered, "once." She wasn't looking at me, and her face was about as dark pink as the panties I'd gotten a glimpse of earlier. "I mean, I'm not saying we should have sex, but…" Her hands twisted together in her lap, and she bit her lip. I could've sworn she was about to cry from embarrassment._

_"__Bell, baby…" I scooted closer to her and scooped her into my lap, holding her tight as she buried her face against my shoulder. "We're not going to do anything you're not comfortable with." She sniffled, and I brought one hand up to cup her jaw, tilting her face up and swiping away a tear with my thumb. "Please don't cry."_

_"__I'm okay," she said softly. "I just feel so much with you. It scares me."_

_I understood what she meant. It was more than sexual, and it was the same for me. I never stopped thinking about her. Not for a second. "Me too."_

_Her wide eyes blinked at me. "Really?"_

_"__Really," I replied with a slight nod and a smile._

_"__Wow," she breathed out._

_Sliding my hand to the back of her neck, I pulled her closer and kissed her. __"I'm gonna miss you so damn much when camp ends," I said after we were both breathless once again. I rested my forehead against hers, keeping my eyes closed for a moment._

_She pulled back, and two more tears slid down her cheeks before she opened her eyes. "I'm gonna miss you too, Edward." She laid her palm against my jaw and stroked my cheek with her thumb. "So, so much."_

_Turning my head, I kissed her palm and then looked back at her. __"__You won't forget about me, though, right?" I teased, hoping she'd at least smile. _

_She did, and it made my heart squeeze at how pretty she was when her face lit up like that._

_"__Never." Bella sighed and rested her head on my shoulder again. _

_"__Hey." I tickled her side lightly and moved to get up. "I have an idea." _

_Things had taken a sad turn, and we still had over three weeks left together. It wasn't time to say goodbye yet._

_Digging my pocket knife out of my shorts, I stepped right up to the huge tree she loved so much. _

_"__What are you doing?"_

_"__Just a sec."_

_I grunted and started to sweat a little as I worked for a few minutes, and then I stepped back to see how it turned out._

_Thankfully, it wasn't _too _horrible._

_Bella gasped my name when she saw that I'd removed some bark and carved our initials into the tree with a kind of ugly crooked heart in between._

_She came to stand beside me, and I snaked my arm around her waist, resting my hand on her hip. "Even if we never see each other again after this summer, we'll always have this place." _

_Bella turned toward me and smiled. "It's perfect." She threw her arms around my neck, __and I held her tight against me as she sniffled into my chest. __I didn't want to think about not having this with her anymore, of not being close to her. Seeing her like this and the feel of her tears soaking through my t-shirt made me blink away the stinging in my own eyes._

* * *

The next morning, Bella was rushing around and not really looking at me.

Dread crept through my veins more and more, the longer she avoided eye contact. And when she finally spoke to me, it startled me so much that I dropped my spoon. It hit the side of my cereal bowl and then clattered onto the floor.

"Sorry," she said. "So, can you?"

"Uh…" I must have been so lost in my head that I hadn't heard what she'd asked. "Sorry, what?"

Bella huffed quietly, the action making her soft lips part into a pout. My eyes zeroed in on them, and I could've sworn my own lips tingled as I recalled how they'd felt pressed against hers last night. She was gathering her purse and backpack and _still_ avoiding my eyes. "I asked if you could drop Lily at camp today. I have to be at work early."

"At the library?"

"Yeah. Um, staff meeting." The way she fidgeted told me she was making something up just to get out of here.

"Oh, uh… Okay, I can take her."

"Thanks," she said, dropping a kiss on Lily's head before walking briskly out the door.

"Shit," I muttered, running a hand through my hair.

"You said a grown-up word, Daddy."

I looked toward Lily and attempted to smile, but I'm not sure it was much more than a grimace. "I know, princess. Sorry."

She tilted her head. "Are you mad at Mommy?"

"Oh. No, sweetheart. No. I'm not mad at Mommy. Everything is fine."

It was a lie, but I didn't want to worry her. Everything was not fine. Not by a long shot. Bella wouldn't even _look_ at me. How had I fucked things up so badly?

"I'm all done, Daddy."

I started and dropped my spoon again.

It was going to be a long fucking day.

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**I'll get chapter 12 up as quickly as possible. It's written but just needs a few more tweaks. Thanks for your patience and as always, for reading and sharing your thoughts with me! **


	12. Gleeful

**Thank you for your patience while I wrestled this one. And thank you all so much for giving me your thoughts! I'm so grateful for every review, fave, and follow. You guys are amazing. **

**For those asking about Plowed: I'm starting to think there has to be snow on the ground for Plow-ward to open his pretty mouth & talk to me. But I'll do my best to get it going again soon! **

**Huge thanks, as always, to Hadley Hemingway, Lellabeth, Kninut, Sophiagorgi, and Twilly. **

**SM owns all things Twilight. Everything else is mine, including any mistakes.**

* * *

**Chapter 12 - Gleeful**

Distracted by everything going on at home and the meeting I was preparing for, I smashed the speaker button on my phone when it buzzed. "Charlotte, please. I said to hold my calls unless it's an emergency."

"It's, uh… well," she stammered. "It's your mother."

My eyes widened, and I gulped. I checked my cell phone, which was on silent, and sure enough, I had no less than five missed calls from her.

With a long sigh, I told Charlotte to put her through.

"You really should answer your phone, young man. What if something terrible had happened?"

I rubbed at my forehead with my free hand, feeling a headache coming on. "Hi, Mom. I'm sorry. My phone's been on silent all day. I've been busy. Are you guys back?"

"Yes. We docked this morning. How are you? How's my beautiful granddaughter?"

My parents had been on a month-long vacation, taking their houseboat and traveling down the coast.

After selling their restaurant last year, they moved to Oak Harbor to live a life of leisure. They were far enough from the city to enjoy retirement the way they wanted to but close enough to still be able to see us fairly often.

"Uh… We're fine. Everything's fine." Sweat beaded on my forehead.

"What are you not telling me, Edward Anthony?"

My mother was not someone you messed with. She was the executive chef of their restaurant for twenty years, and she took shit from no one.

"Well… uh, things are a little crazy right now. Lily and Bella are fine, though. Don't worry."

She huffed. "Telling someone not to worry has never stopped anyone from worrying about anything ever. Now, what is going on?"

"Okay, okay." I shuffled some papers nervously. I never wanted to disappoint my parents, and I wasn't sure how they'd react to my engagement to Kate ending. "There was a fire at their apartment building."

She gasped. "But you said they're fine. They're fine, right?"

"Yes," I said with a small smile. "They're okay. They're living with me now."

Silence.

"Bella too?" she asked after a moment.

"Yes."

"And Kate's okay with all of this?"

I blew out a breath. "Well… no. She left. We broke up."

"You did?"

She sounded… gleeful. _What the fuck?_

"Yeah. You're not upset?"

"Hell no." There was a brief pause. "I mean, uh. I…" she stammered. I didn't think I'd ever heard my mother sound so unsure of herself. "She's a nice girl, Edward. You know we love her, but I don't think the two of you have been happy for quite some time."

"Well, why the hell didn't you _say_ something?"

"Oh, honey. That was something you had to figure out on your own. Would you really have listened?"

Brows furrowing, I leaned back in my chair. "I don't know. Maybe."

No. I wouldn't have, and she clearly knew it.

"Uh-huh."

I released a heavy sigh into the phone, and her voice softened.

"You were always so determined to make things work with her, and I understood that to a degree. But if you two had ever actually set a date for the wedding, your father and I would have had a talk with you."

"But Lizzy…"

"Honey, you were all so young and idealistic back then, and it was a great idea in theory. But Elizabeth would want you to be happy, above all else."

Deep down, I knew she was right. I had to let go of this sense of obligation, of this guilt that seemed to be ramming me from all sides lately.

"Now, be honest. How are you doing with all of this?" she asked.

I picked up the pen on my desk and twirled it in my fingers. "I'm all right. Things are… confusing, I guess. Bella… Well, she… I mean. Shit. I don't know. Kate said she thought I still had feelings for Bella, and I..." I trailed off, not quite sure if I was ready to admit it out loud yet.

"And is she right?"

Of course she'd want me to say it. Instead, I looked out my window at gray skies and neighboring buildings and admitted something else. "I kissed her last night."

My mother gasped for the second time. "And have you two talked at all?"

Squirming in my chair, I rested my forehead in my free hand. "Not really. It just sort of… happened. She would barely look at me this morning. I don't know what to do."

"Yes you _do_, Edward. It's simple. You sit down, and you talk things out with her."

"Simple... Right."

Mom clicked her tongue at me, and I braced myself. "Have Lily ready to come stay the weekend with us by six on Friday evening," she instructed me in her familiar no-nonsense tone. "We'll see you then. Love you."

And she hung up.

I rubbed at my forehead again. A weekend alone with Bella. I wasn't sure whether I wanted to throw up from the nerves or hug the shit out of my mother.

I was leaning toward the latter.

* * *

It wasn't unusual for me to have to work late, but I was especially late tonight. I'd texted Bella to let her know, and she'd only responded with a simple, "Okay."

I _did_ have a lot of work to do, but some of it could have waited until the next day. I was avoiding, plain and simple. Was that immature? Probably. But I just had no idea what to say to her to fix things between us. And I was pretty fucking terrified of what _she'd_ have to say.

When I got home and saw that Bella had left me a plate of dinner wrapped up in the refrigerator, I felt like a complete dick.

It was unexpected. Kate had certainly never done anything like that for me. She could barely boil water, which was fine because I could cook. Whenever I worked late, though, we just fended for ourselves.

The effort Bella had put in made my heart squeeze. Maybe it was a peace offering?

I warmed up the steak and baked potato with roasted asparagus in the oven. It would have been a million times better fresh and if I'd been able to eat it with my girls, but I still relished every delicious bite.

When I was finished, I accidentally hit my plate against a bowl in the sink. It was loud, and I stood still for a moment, hoping I hadn't woken either of them up.

I didn't hear anything, so I finished cleaning up and then headed toward my room.

The back of the couch faced the kitchen and dining area, and when I glanced into the living room, I clutched at my chest as a jolt of surprise rocked through me.

Bella was sitting up, stretching her arms above her head and yawning with her eyes closed. I tried not to let my eyes follow the curves of her breasts or focus on her hard nipples. I really did. But it was pretty much impossible.

_Fuck me._

When she opened her eyes and saw me gaping at her, she quickly put her arms down and pulled the blanket up to cover her chest.

Thankfully my eyes were back on her face at that point, so hopefully she didn't see me staring like a pervert. "Sorry, uh…" I rubbed the back of my neck. "I didn't realize you were out here. I'm sorry I woke you."

"It's okay," she said, followed by another big yawn.

I chuckled lightly at her. She was adorable. "Thank you for dinner."

Her cheeks were already pink, but they seemed to darken in the low light coming from the dining room. She looked down at her lap. "You're welcome."

Excruciatingly awkward silence settled over us then like a net I couldn't fight my way out of. Bella still wasn't looking at me, and I ran a hand through my hair. "Well, I guess I'll—"

"How was your day?" she asked at the same time.

I blew out a breath of relief that she seemed to want to talk to me, and a small smile curved my lips. "Long. I'm sorry I was so late."

"It's okay."

"I'm sorry I missed dinner. Really."

"It's fine, Edward."

It didn't sound fine, but I didn't want to push her, so I changed the subject. "My mom called today."

Her face lit up with a gorgeous smile, and my stomach did some kind of crazy acrobatics at the sight. God, I'd missed that. I wished I could make her face look like that all the time, and I wished it had to do with me and not my mother.

"They're back?" she asked excitedly.

"Yep. Just got back. They want Lily for the weekend if that's okay."

I could hear Bella's gulp at that. I almost laughed.

At least I wasn't the only nervous one.

"Yeah, um. I guess that's fine. Are you going to have game night on Friday?"

I used to have some guys over on Friday nights to play video games or poker whenever I didn't have Lily for the weekend, but since she and Bella had moved in, we hadn't gotten together.

"Oh, uh… I hadn't thought about that. I guess I could." I was still standing awkwardly between the dining area and the hall archway, and I didn't know what to do with my hands, so I shoved them into my pockets. "Do you have plans or something?"

Her cheeks definitely flushed as she looked down again. "I, um... I have another date with Riley."

"_Seriously?_" I blurted out.

"Edward, I—"

"You know what? Forget it. Good night, Bella."

"But—"

Shaking my head, I put my hand up in front of my chest to hopefully stop whatever explanation was about to come out of her mouth. I didn't want to hear it. She recoiled but didn't say another word as I walked away.

Hot anger pricked at my skin. I wanted to slam my door so fucking bad, but I couldn't wake up Lily. Instead, after shutting my door quietly, I bent at the waist and slammed both fists into my mattress, trying to release some of the fury inside. The thought of that asshat touching her the way I wanted to touch her made me want to destroy shit.

If I wanted to be fair, I could admit that I didn't know if Riley was an asshat or not. But fuck being fair. She was going out with him. _Again_. After she'd kissed me like that.

_Seriously, what the fuck?_

The muscles in my shoulders and arms twitched, craving more movement. I wanted to go for a long, hard swim to release some of the rage that wouldn't seem to stop building up. Fuck me for agreeing to move into a building with no pool. Fuck me for letting Kate decide pretty much everything about our life.

Sleep didn't come easy to me that night. I woke up with the top sheet twisted around my legs and half my right arm asleep under my chest. I shook it out and hissed at the sensation of a thousand needles poking my skin as the blood circulated again.

Scowling, I plodded to the shower, washed quickly, and put on a navy blue suit with matching shirt and tie. I needed to look sharp for my client meeting, and I remembered Kate saying monochromatic was "so in".

_Whatever._

I tamed my annoying hair the best I could and steeled my nerves to leave my bedroom.

Lily was chattering away to Bella at the table, and my heart clenched. I wanted things to be good between us. I didn't want us angry at each other, especially for Lily's sake, but I just couldn't believe what Bella was doing. Or understand it, for that matter.

Maybe I was being irrational. It was just a kiss, after all, and I was the one who'd been in a relationship all these years. Deep down, I knew I couldn't expect Bella to change her life because I wanted her so much. But I just knew there was something there between us. Something that we'd lost somewhere along the way. Something I knew we could get back again if certain things… and _people_... weren't in the way.

Confusion was an understatement.

I cleared my throat as I walked toward the kitchen, and Bella's eyes snapped to me before slowly trailing down my body and back up. She licked her lips, and her cheeks flooded with color as I narrowed my eyes at her.

Her gaze dropped to her cereal bowl.

"Morning, Daddy!"

I let my face relax into a smile for my little girl. "Morning, pumpkin. Did you sleep okay?"

"Yep! I had a dream with pink flowers _everywhere_, and I was wearing the prettiest dress in the world, and so was Mommy. And even Olivia had a pretty dress. You didn't have a dress, though, Daddy. You looked just like that." She pointed at me. "And then you and Mommy said 'I do,' and then you kissed Mommy on her mouth, which was kind of gross, but I still felt happy."

My eyes darted to Bella as Lily went back to eating her cereal like she hadn't just dropped a live grenade on the breakfast table.

Bella was gaping at Lily with wide eyes.

I cleared my throat again. "That's uh… great, Lily. I'm just gonna grab a bagel and head out." Addressing Bella, I said, "Remember I have that client dinner tonight." She looked at me and nodded. "I'll be home late again."

"Okay," she said quietly.

"Okay. Uh, see ya later." I moved to Lily's side as Bella gave me another quiet, requisite response. Kneeling down, I kissed my daughter on her cheek. "Have a good day, Lil."

"You too, Daddy!"

I didn't think that was likely, but I just told her thanks before standing back up. I caught Bella's soft, glassy-eyed gaze on me just before she blinked and looked away again.

Shaking my head, I strode into the kitchen, filled my travel mug with coffee, and snatched a bagel out of the bag on the counter before heding out the door without looking at her again.

I couldn't.

A physical ache throbbed in my chest every damn time.

* * *

I called Emmett, Jasper, and Ben from the office and set up game night for the following evening.

Maybe it would take my mind off of what Bella would be doing. Or _whom_ she would be doing.

_Not fucking likely._

I was also hoping I could get some intel on this Riley fucker from Ben. Ben was engaged to Angela, who was Bella's best friend, so he had to know _something_.

I got through my day and somehow made a good enough impression at dinner to land the account for a small chain of boat stores that I'd been working on.

It felt good, but once I got home, I was in no mood to celebrate.

Bella was there on the couch again. She was reading something on her Kindle.

"I'm going to turn my office into a bedroom," I said abruptly.

She gasped and sat up with her hand on her chest.

"Sorry," I muttered.

"You don't have to do that, Edward."

"It's fine. I don't use it much anyway. I can move my file cabinet and desk into my bedroom. You need a space of your own. I mean, what if you want to bring Riley here or something?" I laughed nervously.

_Why the fuck did I say _that?

A deep wrinkle appeared between her brows. "That's not going to happen. We don't… I mean, it's not that serious."

"Well," I said, shrugging and trying desperately to keep my voice even and nonchalant, "you never know. He could be the one."

Bella shook her head and looked at me like I'd just kicked a puppy. "He's _not_."

Her answer echoed through my head and ricocheted off my heart. It was so absolute. No wiggle room.

"Oh. Uh..." My hand gravitated to the back of my neck, and I scratched at my heated skin. "Well, still. You shouldn't have to sleep on the couch all the time. Why don't you take my bed tonight? I can sleep out here." I wanted her in my bed. I wanted to be _with_ her in my bed. But she wanted to be in _asshat's_ bed.

She looked down at her lap and shook her head. "I don't think I'd be… comfortable in there. But thank you."

"It's got to be more comfortable than out here," I insisted.

Bella looked back up, and her eyes locked on mine. "That's not what I meant."

God, I felt like an idiot. "Right," I muttered. She didn't want to be in my bed, in my space. She didn't want anything with me except friendship and co-parenting, just like it had always been.

But she'd kissed me back, goddammit.

I pushed one hand into my hair and loosened my tie with the other. "We'll figure something out this weekend. Uh…" I looked around the room and searched my brain for something else to say but came up empty. "Good night."

"'Night, Edward."

She just had to say my name in her soft, husky voice as I walked past her, didn't she?

Beautiful, sexy, frustrating girl.

I adjusted my dick as soon as I rounded the corner in the hallway, hoping she hadn't seen anything. With a resigned sigh, I stripped out of my clothes once I was in the safety of my bedroom and got into the shower to take care of my not-so-little problem.

Thank God my water bill was included in rent.

Once I came to memories of having her pressed up against a wall years ago, I felt a little more clear-headed and thought maybe I should've tried to talk to her about the kiss. It had been a long fucking day, and I was drained, but maybe if I'd tried, she'd cancel her date.

Wishful thinking.

I'd originally planned to talk with her about everything over the weekend, but her setting up another date with Riley sent a clear message. She was pushing me back to where I was before, out of the kissing zone.

Had she really only kissed me like that because she was horny and hadn't gotten any in a while? I mean… _really_?

Maybe I was being a stubborn ass, but Bella never struck me as the type to kiss someone just for the hell of it. And for it to feel so fucking _right_ to hold her and kiss her again… I refused to believe there wasn't more to it.

I couldn't let things keep going the way they were. If I did, the next year would slowly kill me. It was time to man up and do something, talk to her... _anything_ but this seemingly endless state of not knowing_. _

We'd still have most of the weekend alone together after her date.

Hopefully...

Panic settled in to my chest, crackling out to my arms like lightning as I stepped out of the shower and toweled off.

What if she decided to spend the whole weekend with this guy? Lily wouldn't be here to need her, and if she wanted to avoid me…

_Shit._

I just had to hope she wasn't completely done with me. I had to hope she meant what she said about Riley not being the one.

I had to hope I still somehow stood a chance.

* * *

**Thank you so much for reading! xoxo**


	13. Tomorrow

**You guys rock so hard. I can't thank you enough for reviewing and for understanding these characters so well. THANK YOU!**

**Huge thanks to Hadley Hemingway, KniNut, Lellabeth, Sophiacorgi, and Twilly!**

**SM owns all things Twilight. Everything else is mine, including any mistakes.**

**PLEASE READ: I just posted chapter 12 yesterday, so if you haven't read that one yet, go back one. :)**

* * *

**Chapter 13 - Tomorrow**

**EPOV**

At six o'clock on the dot, there was a sharp knock on the front door. When I opened it, my mother swept right by me, and I heard Lily squeal, "Banna!"

We'd tried to get Lily to call her Nana, but when she was younger, she always ended up saying 'banna' instead, which was also what she'd called bananas. It stuck.

"Oh, my sweet Lily-bear," my mother replied as they embraced in the living room.

"Hello to you too, Mom," I muttered, then turned to look at my father's smiling face.

He sauntered in wearing a Hawaiian shirt and cargo shorts, and it was honestly the weirdest fucking thing I'd ever seen. His hair looked lighter than ever against his tan skin.

"You look… relaxed."

"I am. How are you, son?" He leaned in for a one-armed hug after I closed the door.

"I'm fine."

"Are you really?"

"Mostly."

"Well, that's better than partly." He clapped me on the back and strolled over to where Mom and Lily were talking animatedly to each other. Dad was laid back compared to Mom, but I didn't think I'd ever seen him quite _this_ laid back. I wondered for a second if he'd taken up pot-smoking recently.

"Papa!"

"Hey, pipsqueak." Dad ruffled her hair, and she swatted his hand away.

"Did you bring me a present?" she asked with a bounce, eyeing the bag he was carrying.

"But of course," he replied in a terrible French accent, opening the bag with a flourish and handing her a purple sparkly wand-type thing and a collection of sea shells.

She squealed, and my cheeks started to hurt from my perma-smile. My Lily was so happy, more so to see her grandparents than for the gifts, but those didn't hurt. It seemed she was doing a great job putting the apartment fire and everything behind her.

"You all ready to go, Lil?" my mom asked her, while not-so-surreptitiously looking around the apartment, no doubt for Bella.

As if she knew, Bella appeared then in a seriously hot red dress and black heels. I may have groaned. She was on a mission to make me have a coronary. I was sure of it. That purple dress she'd worn earlier in the week was bad enough. I'd lost all coherent thought with that one because I'd never seen her in anything but jeans and t-shirts, barely-there sleep clothes notwithstanding.

Those were a whole other problem.

And now… red.

Just like that damn bikini she'd worn the first time we met.

Pretty sure I groaned again and definitely fisted my hair with both hands.

Bella's eyes flickered over to me, and the smile she'd plastered on at seeing my parents faltered.

My mother shot me a questioning look before turning toward Bella and opening her arms. "Bella, sweetheart. How are you?"

"Hi, Esme," she replied quietly, stepping into her embrace. "I'm doing fine. Did you have a nice vacation?"

"Oh, yes. You three will have to borrow the boat some time. It's just amazing."

"Uh… Mom," I interjected, but she ignored me.

"You look stunning," she said, holding Bella's arms out to get a good look at her dress. Bella's cheeks reddened as she looked down at herself, and I wanted to grab her and throw her over my shoulder. And maybe lock her with me in my bedroom for the foreseeable future. "What are you all dressed up for? Is Edward taking you out? I knew he had some sense in that beautiful head of his."

I cleared my throat. Loudly.

"_Mom_."

Bella's wide eyes fixed on my face.

"What, dear?" Mom asked, not letting go of Bella's wrists but turning her head toward me.

"Bella has a date tonight, and I'm sure she'd appreciate it if you'd let her go so she can be on her way."

Her eyebrows drew together, and I could almost see the gears turning in her head before she released Bella's hands. She cleared her throat much more daintily than I had. "My mistake. Bella, have a wonderful time, sweetheart."

Bella's cheeks were about the deepest shade of pink I'd ever seen them. She swallowed hard and fidgeted, tucking a stray piece of wavy hair behind her ear. "Thank you. Hi, Carlisle," she said, stepping over to my dad and kissing him on the cheek.

"Hi. Good to see you."

"You too." She smiled and then made her way closer to me, stopping less than a foot away and looking at me expectantly.

I gazed into her eyes, feeling that familiar pull. She blinked a couple times, making me take notice of the fringe of thick lashes lining her eyes. My lips parted as my breathing grew more shallow the longer we stood staring at each other.

"Edward," she said in that sultry voice of hers.

I licked my lips. "Yeah?"

"You're um… kind of standing in front of the door."

"I am?" When had I moved?

Her lips pulled into a smile, and she laughed lightly. "Yeah."

"Sorry." Stepping out of the way, I tried not to sniff her hair as we passed each other. Then I looked back as she retreated through the door, which was a huge fucking mistake because her ass looked spectacular in that dress.

"Ugh." I squeezed my eyes shut.

"You okay, Daddy?"

Snapping out of my stupor, I blinked my eyes open to see three sets staring back at me. "Uh… Yeah, princess. I'm fine. Are you gonna have a blast with Nana and Papa?" I asked with as much enthusiasm as I could muster.

"Yeah!"

"Awesome!" I kneeled down to hug her. "You be good and listen to your grandma and grandpa, okay?"

"I will, Daddy."

"Okay, baby girl. Have fun."

She smacked a kiss onto my cheek and then grasped the handle of her little lady bug roller suitcase. I couldn't help but smile again.

"We'll talk later," my mother informed me with an ominous yet elegant raise of one eyebrow.

"I have no doubt," I replied dryly.

My father gave me a sympathetic look and clapped me on the shoulder again. "Have a good weekend, son."

Why wouldn't I? It was off to a fucking _fantastic_ start.

"You too, Dad."

* * *

An hour later, the three pizzas Emmett had brought over were mostly gone, which was no surprise, considering he'd eaten a whole one by himself.

I suggested poker instead of video games so I'd get a chance to interrogate Ben a little about this Riley character.

"Hey, so how well do you know this guy, Riley, that Bella's dating?" I asked while Emmett was shuffling the cards.

All three guys blinked at me.

No one had ever accused me of being smooth, but I wanted answers.

"Since when do you care about who Bella's seeing?" Jasper asked.

"Since he _loves_ her," Emmett supplied, making obnoxious kissy faces. He clearly wanted to get nut-punched.

"Shut it, dickweed. Shuffle the damn cards."

Em put his meaty hand over his heart. "Aw, you wound me, bro. I'm just fucking with you."

Little did he know…

Or maybe he could read me better than I realized.

Apparently Jasper could too, because he chimed back in with, "Wait. I'm obviously missing something here. You were just engaged to Kate like a week ago."

Had it only been a week since we'd officially broken up? It felt like much longer.

Ben gave me the same expectant look Jasper was leveling me with, and it was unnerving.

I wasn't as close to Jasper or Ben as I was to Emmett. Em and I had grown up together, although he'd never gone to Camp Wallasatch with me, instead going away to football camp every summer.

I didn't meet Jasper and Ben until I moved into the dorms at UW. It was a weird coincidence that Bella had become friends with Angela after they'd randomly sat next to each other in class one day.

I ran my free hand through my hair, feeling flustered and completely transparent. "I'm just… concerned, I guess. This is the second time she's been out with him this week, and if things are getting more serious, he could end up in Lily's life. I want to know more about this guy." It wasn't a lie, but I'd left out a hell of a lot.

"Why don't you just ask her then?" Ben asked.

"Because…" I searched for a viable answer while making a show of arranging the cards in my hand that Emmett had just dealt out. "Because she'll be biased, obviously. I need to know the real deal. Is he a good guy? An asshole? A drug addict? An ex-convict?"

Ben gaped at me for a second and then said, "Wow, you give Bella a lot of credit, huh?"

I scoffed and rolled my eyes. "Just tell me. Is he a good guy? I just need to know."

Ben narrowed his eyes a little but nodded. "Yeah, he is. I've known him a few years. Nice guy. He's a pediatric surgeon. Saves kids' lives for a living."

My eyes widened, and I almost dropped my cards. "Shit," I muttered under my breath. "I mean, uh…" I cleared my throat. "That's uh, good. _Great._" My smile was fake, and they all knew it.

Emmett's paw came down hard on my shoulder, and it sagged under the weight. "Dude…" was all he said as he shook his head and looked at me with sympathy.

I shook off his hand and focused on the game. I didn't need anyone's sympathy.

What I needed was for Bella to not spend the night at Dr. Perfect's place and to come home and kiss me again instead.

I knew the chances of that happening were slim to none, considering the way she'd shut down the morning after last time, but a guy could hope.

* * *

After hearing the not-so-great news that Bella was dating God's gift to women, the beer started making its way down my throat pretty steadily.

I was well and truly drunk by the time the guys were heading out around midnight.

"Don't do anything stupid," Emmett said as he smashed the pizza boxes in half and stuffed them into our garbage can.

"How could I do anything sssstupid?" I slurred. "She's not even herrrrrre." I gestured widely with my arms, indicating the apartment and almost fell over.

Emmett sighed.

"You gonna be all right, dude? Do I need to stay here with you?"

"Nah. S'all good." I was nodding, but my head felt too heavy for my body. I don't think I stopped nodding until Emmett moved around me to get to the door.

"Take some aspirin, drink some water, and go to bed. In that order. Right now. You got me?"

"Yessssir." Stern-faced, I saluted him.

He didn't laugh like I thought he would, so I laughed instead. Cracked up was more like it.

Emmett just shook his head at me and walked toward my bedroom. I was too busy laughing and clutching my side to try to figure out what he might be doing. He came back with pills and a glass of water for me.

After making sure I drank the entire glass, he opened the door and squeaked.

Emmett squeaked?

"Sorry," he said to himself.

Thoroughly confused, I leaned against the bar and rubbed my forehead.

"He's in kind of bad shape. I'm sorry. I'd stay, but Rosie would have my balls."

"It's okay," I heard from somewhere in front of the massive body of my best friend.

"Bellaaaaa..." I rushed forward and swept her up in my arms, hugging her to me. I'd missed her so much.

"Oh, Jesus," Emmett muttered.

"Mmph. Edwrd?" Bella's voice came out all muffled, and I realized I was holding her face to my chest. I released her and scanned my eyes over her body, licking my lips.

"Damn. You look…" My eyes widened.

"Edward?"

My stomach had chosen that moment to rebel. I sprinted to the hall bathroom and made it just in time to throw up what seemed like everything I'd eaten and drunk for the last month. "Ugh."

"Told you you shouldn't have had any of my tequila, dumbass!" Emmett hollered from the living room.

Throwing my arm out, I haphazardly flipped him off even though he couldn't see me.

A damp towel was suddenly in my hand, and I pressed it gratefully to my face, cooling off and wiping my mouth. Next was a glass of cold water, and I sipped it with my eyes closed, hoping my stomach was going to stay calm. Prying my eyes open seemed like a difficult task at that moment, and I kind of just wanted to sleep right there on the bathroom floor.

When I finally wrenched my eyes open, I was greeted with long pale legs. They looked so smooth, and I wanted to touch them more than I wanted anything at that moment. Even more than sleep.

I tried really fucking hard not to stare too long at the slit in the front that exposed half of her bare thigh, but I knew my neurons weren't firing at their normal rate.

My gaze trailed up her body, and when it landed on her face, Bella's eyes were soft and concerned. "You okay?"

I licked my dry lips. "Getting there. Thank you."

She smiled in response and started to leave the room. I thought I was beginning to sober up but obviously not enough, because I stopped her from walking away by asking how her date was.

I squeezed my eyes shut again. She didn't come home until after midnight. Of course she had a great time.

_Idiot._

"It was fine," she answered evenly.

And because I just needed that extra kick in the balls and couldn't keep my stupid drunk mouth shut, I asked, "Did you sleep with him?" I groaned at myself for asking, and at my stomach for rolling again and generally being a total dick to me. "Never mind. I'm sorry. It's none of my business." I tried to haul my ass up off the floor and failed. I eyed the fluffy beige bath rug, which I'd never paid attention to before. "I'm just gonna go to sleep now."

"Right here on the floor?"

"Yeah. I deserve it. I'm an ass."

"You're not an ass, Edward."

I gave her an incredulous look.

"Okay," she agreed. "Maybe a little. And you're right about it not being any of your business, but the answer is no. I didn't sleep with him tonight."

"No?"

She was leaning against the bathroom counter, and she looked down at her bare feet. Her cute little toenails were painted the same color red as her dress. She'd really gone all out for this guy, and I was coming to the painful realization that I would need to put my feelings and infatuation for her aside. She deserved to be happy. And if Dr. Asshat would make her happy, then I would have to suck it up and be happy _for_ her.

"No." She sighed and wiggled her toes. "I actually hung out with Angela most of the night. I came home when Ben texted her to say he was on his way."

My brows furrowed, and I tilted my head at her. "You… Why? Did that asshole do something to you?" I tried again to get up and failed again. "Fuck," I grumbled, slouching back against the side of the tub.

Bella laughed lightly. "Just stay down before you hurt yourself." She shook her head at me. "No. He didn't do anything. He's a really great guy. I just can't…" Trailing off, she shrugged, evidently struggling with what to say.

"You can't what?"

Her eyes locked on mine then, and I would have sworn there was a string connecting them to my heart with the way it lurched forward in my chest. "I can't seem to…" She shook her head again and huffed out a breath. "I'm just… confused right now."

"Yeah, join the club."

She let out a surprised laugh, and when I joined in, some of the tension between us evaporated.

Her laugh ended on a sigh. "We need to talk."

I nodded. "I know."

"Tomorrow, okay?"

As much as I wanted to get everything out in the open and hopefully resolved right then, I was sure she was tired. And my brain was more than a few crayons short of a box at the moment.

Nodding again, I let her help me up. "Tomorrow." She helped support me as we walked to my bedroom. "You smell really good, by the way."

"Thanks," she replied quietly without looking up at me.

I flopped into bed, not removing my arm from around Bella quickly enough and pulling her with me.

It was an accident. I swear.

With a little cry of shock, she landed all wonky with her face pressed to my chest and her legs dangling off the bed.

"Sorry, sorry." Wrapping my hands around her upper arms, I helped steady her as she sat up.

"Thanks." She tugged the hem of her dress down, but not before I caught a glimpse of black panties. Had those been for Riley too?

I rubbed at the tension in my chest. The urge to keep talking to her was strong, but I'd already made an ass of myself. And she didn't sleep with him. She hung out with Angela.

And she came home to me.

When she looked back at me, she gave me an amused smile. "Are you gonna be all right?"

"If I say no, will you stay in here with me?"

Bella snorted. "Good night."

I couldn't get over how that red looked against her skin, and she was even more beautiful now than she was when I first met her, which I would never have thought possible at the time.

Snagging her hand as she started to get up, I waited for her to look at me again. I gently squeezed her fingers. "Do you ever think about that summer?"

She sucked in a ragged breath, obviously not at all prepared for a question like that. The blush that bloomed across her skin told me the answer, and I would have known it even if she'd lied and said no.

But she didn't.

"Yes. It's been a lot more often, though, lately."

I swallowed thickly. "Me too."

The soft stroke of her thumb over the backs of my knuckles reassured me. Of what, I wasn't sure yet, but it was comforting.

Bella leaned in, and I never took my eyes off her lips, following them up and almost straining my eyeballs when they landed on my forehead.

"Tomorrow," she murmured. "Good night, Edward." After giving my hand one last squeeze, she turned and left my room with a soft click of the door.

_Tomorrow._

* * *

**Unfortunately, chapter 14 will not post tomorrow, but I'm working on it as much as time (and concentration) allows. Thank you all SO much for reading! xoxo**


	14. Paradox

**FINALLY! I'm sorry for the wait on this. Things have been a bit crazy, and this is obviously a pivotal chapter that I wanted to be perfect. Let's hope it's close, at any rate. **

**I HATE that I didn't get review replies done this time, but I'm going to do everything I can to get them out for this chapter. I'm just not getting as much free time at my computer as I used to, and I try to spend what I do get writing or editing. **

**THANK YOU so much for giving me your thoughts on the last chapter. Truly. I love reading all the different reactions, and I appreciate your taking the time to do it. **

**Huge thanks to Hadley Hemingway, Lellabeth, MrzEdCullen, Sophiacorgi, and Twilly. They are the best hand-holders around. **

**SM owns all things Twilight. Everything else is mine, including any mistakes. **

* * *

**Chapter 14 - Paradox**

**EPOV**

"Stupid fucking sun," I mumbled into my pillow. "Didn't you get the fucking memo that this is Seattle?"

I'd been attacked by bright yellow light as soon as I cracked one eye open this morning… afternoon?

I wasn't sure.

There was definitely moss growing on my teeth. And I had the errant thought that it was a good thing I didn't have a fish bowl by my bed, because I was so fucking thirsty, I probably would have gulped down the entire thing, fish included.

It was a weird thought, I admit. My brain was trying to escape by rudely beating against my skull, so it wasn't exactly firing on all cylinders.

I hadn't done this to myself in years, and now I remembered why.

"Uggghhh."

"That bad, huh?"

Lifting my arm enough so that I could see underneath it without completely removing my face from my pillow, I tried to follow the voice with bleary eyes. I caught a whiff of myself and grimaced.

Bella came closer with a glass of water in one hand and another glass containing what looked a lot like blood, but considering the aforementioned bleary eyes and revolting brain, I was hoping like hell that I was wrong about that.

"I'm gonna go see what you have for pain meds, okay?"

"Okay. Just stop yelling please."

She giggled and walked away.

No sympathy. "Hmph."

The bed dipped, and her cool hand touched the bare skin of my back. It woke me up more thoroughly than if an entire cooler full of ice water had been dumped on me.

Bella was touching me. On purpose.

Once the initial shock wore off, I focused on how amazing it felt to have her hand on me. I decided to just lie there and wait, keeping her skin in contact with mine for as long as possible. The next part would be all swallowing pills, drinking water (and possibly blood), and trying not to throw up again.

Then… _talking_.

"C'mon, Edward. It's almost noon, and I've kind of been going out of my mind waiting for you to wake up," Bella said. And then she shocked the hell out of me by lightly slapping my ass.

Yeah, that got me up.

In more ways than one.

My eyes had finally adjusted to the light. Sort of. Turning to my side, I focused on her face and raised my eyebrows at her. "What was _that_?"

She smirked. Too sexy. "Sorry. My hand slipped."

"Mm." I flopped back to my stomach. "That's a shame. I was kinda hoping you did it on purpose."

Bella laughed. "Come _onnnn_. Get up. We need to get you hydrated and coherent." Leaning toward me a bit, she sniffed the air. "And showered. You reek."

"I know. Sorry." I turned and sat up against the headboard, being careful to keep my lap covered. "When you say _we_ need to get me showered…" I trailed off with a smirk.

She raised an eyebrow at me. "Hung-over you is very forward. Here." She handed me two aspirin and the glass of water.

After swallowing them down and taking a few more sips, I realized how badly I needed to piss.

"Could you… give me a minute?"

Her brow wrinkled slightly. "Oh. Um. Sure." She looked around for a second and then got up.

"Sorry. It's just that…" I gestured at my lap. "It _is_ morning, after all. At least for me. And you _did_ touch my ass, so..."

"_Oh_." Her cheeks flamed a deep pink. "Right. Sorry."

I chuckled as she all but ran out of the room. Such a paradox, one minute nonchalantly slapping my ass and the next, blushing and running away from my morning wood.

With a few grunts and grumbles, I made it out of bed and to the bathroom. I went ahead and took a quick shower. I didn't want to make Bella wait much longer. She'd already been so patient with me, and not just this morning.

I pulled a white t-shirt on over my wet hair and threw on some clean jeans. Gripping the glass of mystery liquid with as few fingers as possible, I carried it out to the living room like it might explode any second.

"Do I even want to know what's in this?"

"Probably not," she said with a laugh, sitting against the far arm of the couch.

"It'll make me feel better?"

"Definitely. Just don't smell it."

Letting out a long breath, I shrugged. "Alright. I trust you. Cheers." Pinching my nose with one hand, I lifted the glass to her and then started chugging.

It went down okay, but the aftertaste made me gag.

"Tomato juice, cayenne pepper, sugar, and lime," she said.

I eyed the empty glass, glad she hadn't told me ahead of time. "Gross." Glancing back up, I noticed she wore an amused expression. "Uh, I mean, thanks?"

Bella snorted. "You're welcome."

My stomach churned, and although I wanted to blame it on the concoction I'd just gulped down, I knew it was mostly because I was nervous about our impending conversation. I turned and took my glass to the sink, washing it thoroughly. Bracing my hands on the counter, I took several deep breaths, searching for some calm within the storm brewing inside.

I had no idea what she was going to say today, but judging by everything that had happened since I'd kissed her, I couldn't imagine it was going to be good.

Knowing she was likely watching me, I rolled my head around and rubbed at my shoulder so maybe she would think I was just physically uncomfortable.

If only.

When I finally turned around, I stopped short. Bella was standing just behind me with her hand up like she was about to touch me. On purpose. Again.

"Are your shoulders all knotted up? Did you sleep funky?"

I jostled them a little. "Nah, I think they're okay."

_Fucking idiot. She was about to offer you a massage._

I was really wishing my brain would catch up to what was going on around me, for fuck's sake.

Bella's hand dropped, and she looked almost disappointed. "Are you hungry? Eggs and toast?"

"You don't have to do that. I can make it."

She waved me off. "It's okay. I need something to do. We can talk while I cook. Maybe it'll be easier that way."

My heart raced a bit at her words, and I gulped. "O—okay." I walked around the bar and plopped onto one of the wooden stools, propping my chin up in one hand and watching Bella move about, gathering what she needed. I loved having her here in my home, in my kitchen. Even if she was about to tell me to fuck off.

"So, uh. I'm not really sure where to start," I admitted.

Bella paused after taking the eggs and cheese out of the fridge. "Well… Maybe we should start with the kiss."

_Jumping right in. _

I cleared my throat and rubbed at my right eyebrow. "Okay, uh… It was amazing, first of all."

"Yeah." With a smile, she ducked her head. "It was."

"Really?"

She nodded. "Really."

"Then why the sudden change?" I blurted out. "Why did you completely ignore me the next morning?"

No more dancing around the issue, I guess. It was time to face the music, one way or another.

With a sigh, Bella turned on the burner and placed a pan on it. "That wasn't my most mature moment, I'll admit. The best answer I can give you is that I freaked out."

"But why?"

She whirled around to face me. "_Why_?" The incredulous look on her face told me I should know the answer, but I had no idea.

I nodded.

"Edward, you just broke up with your _fiancée_." She turned to face the counter, cracking some eggs almost violently and whisking them with an intensity that was a little scary. Her face was in profile to me now, and her beauty left me dumbstruck as she continued to speak fervently. "You were engaged to be married to another woman just a few days before. And not just any woman. To _Kate_."

"Well…" I ran a hand through my hair. "I realize that. But it doesn't change the fact that I want you."

She sucked in a breath and fully turned her back to me, pouring the eggs into the pan and adding salt and pepper.

After a moment, I realized she was subtly shaking her head. And after another seemingly endless moment, she finally spoke in a pained voice. "I can't."

That cooler full of ice water I'd mentioned earlier? I felt it at that moment. Except it hit my heart first and spread out through my body from there. "You… But..."

Bella sniffled, then popped two pieces of bread into the toaster before stirring the eggs and adding shredded cheese. She never turned around. "I can't be your rebound from Kate again," she said stoically, although her voice wobbled the tiniest bit.

It was my turn to suck in a breath. "Bella, no. You're not." I got up and moved back into the kitchen, leaning against the refrigerator a few feet away from her, every nerve-ending in my body aching to touch her. "You never were."

She released a shaky breath and turned off the stove, depositing the eggs onto a plate before finally facing me. "How could I possibly know that?" she asked, her dark eyes shining with tears. "How can _you_ even know that for sure? We were only together for a short time one summer, six years ago, and you got back together with her right after you went back home. You guys had been on and off before, but after that summer, you were _on_ for six _years_. That makes me believe she could very well be it for you—the love of your life. I can't go through the heartbreak of seeing you go back to her." She shook her head. "Not again."

Pushing away from the refrigerator, I stepped closer to her. When she backed up a step, I stopped and put my hands up, letting her know I wouldn't touch her if she didn't want me to. Her playfulness earlier hadn't prepared me for what she was saying, but she had to know… "I was heartbroken too, Bella."

Her face scrunched in disbelief. "But…"

Stepping close to her again, I hesitated a moment to make sure she was okay and then rested my hands on her shoulders. "I was. I missed you like crazy after camp was over. I was pissed off at both of us for deciding not to stay in contact. A clean break that, if you recall, you suggested. I was pissed at myself for going along with it, but it was what you said you wanted. Do you know how relieved and just… _excited_ I was to hear your voice when you called? If I didn't care about you as much as I did, don't you think you would have heard annoyance in my voice because you'd tracked me down?" I slid my hands down her arms and grasped her hands. "I was stunned of course, a little nervous, but also happy. Anything but annoyed. Things were just getting back to normal with Kate at that point, but… If you had asked me to, I would have—"

"_Don't_." Bella ripped away from my hold and leveled me with a glare. "Don't do that. Don't you fucking stand there and tell me that you would have left her for me. Don't put that on me right now. You could have chosen that all on your own."

She was visibly shaking, and I could hear the waver in her words.

I ran a hand through my hair all the way down to my neck and squeezed there, trying to relieve some of the building tension. It didn't work. "I'm sorry. I'm not… I just… I was trying to do the right thing by not pushing you for more. We were both enrolled in school in different states, and you said it would be easier for you to get over me if we had no contact. But I…" I let my hand fall with a smack to my leg and looked straight into her glassy eyes. "I didn't _want_ you to get over me."

Her face scrunched again, but this time, it was caused by the tears welling up in her eyes.

I rushed forward and pulled her to me. "Please don't cry." She let out a gasping sob, and it tore at my heart. I slid my hand under her hair, around the back of her neck, and stroked under her ear with my thumb. "I know I fucked up, Bell." She whimpered at my old nickname for her but thankfully didn't pull away. "I fucked everything up. I made the wrong choices at almost every turn and wasted so much precious time. But if you'll let me," I said, bending my head to rest my cheek against her soft hair, "I'll do whatever I can to make it up to you."

Bella slid her hands up to cover her face but stayed pressed against my chest. She sniffled loudly and shook her head, and my heart dropped to my stomach. "I didn't…," she said, removing her hands so I could understand her. Hoping she'd look up at me, I squeezed the back of her neck lightly, but she didn't and instead spoke to my chest. "I was young and inexperienced, and I was hoping you'd disagree with me. And when you didn't… I convinced myself it was because you didn't feel as strongly for me as I did for you."

I felt as if I could double over at the strong pang that hit my heart at her admission. "God, that's exactly what I thought when you suggested it—that you must not have been feeling what I felt. I had myself convinced I could never have you the way I wanted. Never." I squeezed again, and this time she tilted her face up, her soulful eyes connecting with mine. Her eyelashes were wet, and I didn't think she'd ever looked more beautiful than she did right then. "I'm so sorry I made you feel that way, Bell."

She blinked some of the moisture out of her eyes but kept them on mine. "Me too. It was all self-preservation. You were… _are_ the most amazing guy I've ever met." I couldn't help it. I smiled smugly at that, which earned me a slap on the chest. "Ass." We both laughed. "Anyway…" She smirked but continued. "I didn't see myself as your equal in a lot of ways. I convinced myself that I was just your summer distraction. And then when you told me you'd gotten back together with Kate, that was confirmation in my mind. So I did my best to keep the hope that the three of us could be a perfect little family locked down."

"Oh, God." I tightened my hold on her, bringing her small body flush against mine. "I'm so fucking sorry."

"You don't have to apologize." Her hands rubbed my back, and it spread warmth all over, rippling out with goosebumps in its wake. "I didn't hold it against you. I just accepted what was. I wanted you to be happy. You and Kate had a history, and I figured she made you happy. I couldn't expect you to just dump her and be with me because we accidentally made a baby together. Forcing a relationship because of a child isn't right, and I didn't want that."

A pained sound left my throat. "But it wouldn't have been forced. That's the whole point."

"I know." She nodded against me. "I know that now."

"I'm not saying that I could have easily hurt Kate in that situation, but in hindsight, I see that she and I would have been better off just being friends. Not realizing that sooner cost me a lot. _Too_ much." Loosening my hold on her, I put enough space between us so that I could look into her eyes again. "And I need you to know that Kate is _not_ the love of my life. We weren't right for each other. I think deep down, I always knew that, but it took me too long to admit it, even to myself. I had this misguided notion to fulfill what I felt like was Lizzy's dying wish. But _that_ relationship was forced. Over and over again because we were too stubborn to just admit that it wasn't working. Hell, even my own mother was ecstatic when I told her the engagement was off."

Bella's hands flew to her mouth, and she snorted into them before uttering, "Sorry," from behind them.

I smiled and laughed lightly along with her. "It's okay. It _is_ a little funny now that I really think about it. But _God_, I wish I hadn't been so stupid. It's like I just put myself on auto-pilot or something, just accepted what was happening in my life rather than taking charge of it." Stepping closer to her again, I cupped Bella's face in my hands. "I'm done with that shit. I'm going for what I want. And I want _you_. I want you as much as I did that summer. Maybe even more. And I want to kiss you again. _Please_ say you'll let me."

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**CLIFFIE BITCH! I know. I'm sorry. My team and I unanimously agreed it was best to end this chapter here. **

**Thank you so much for reading! xoxo**


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